actress dance

GetLusty For Couples is looking for writers! Our mission? End boring sex for couples. Not just one kind of couple. All kinds of couples. In all shapes, ages (heavily focused on the 24-50 range), colors, genders and identities. We understand the line of sexuality doesn't stop at heterosexual.

Our writers benefit from our extensive network, social media publicity and much more benefits.

What we share? Passion for amazing relationships

We'll talk about a variety of perspectives on monogamy. Even poly. But at the end of the day, GetLusty believes your relationship can be beautiful between you two. Sex doesn't have to get stale or boring after years of love. Communication doesn't have to erode. If you choose to experiment, that's wonderful! But at the end of the day, we're all here to help you love better.

Not hetero? Write for us!

We support gay and straight couples equally. We believe in marriage equality. We support loving long-term relationships. Are you bi-sexual or gay? We want to hear from you! We're looking especially for writers to represent these perspectives. We'd love to feature specific advice that you've learned along the way. Would you like to hear about sex with disability? We're looking to empower those voices, too!

Apply to write for GetLusty for Couples. Fill the form out below!

With love,
Erica & Tim
co-Founders & Chief Lust Officers

Because 2012 is still lingering in our memory, and it's Jizz January, we wanted to give more ideas around blowjobs. Did we mention we love giving and getting head? Camille Crimson inspires us to give better head. She knows a thing or two about blowjobs. She's been managing SlowMotionBlowjob.com and TheArtofBlowjob.com for some time now and has made some pretty hot films of herself doing just that. Camille advocates oral sex and pleasure. She has given us her top tips on how to give a blowjob and how to even how to respectfully receive a blowjob! Now our blowjob guru is here with 10 places to give and receive a blowjob! Want to spice it up a little? Follow Camille's advice because she knows what she's doing!

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As a huge fan of blowjobs, I give them a lot. They're part of my life and who I am and I want more people to feel free to enjoy that part of themselves as well. But where? Well, I sat down and thought of some great spots to try out the oral arts (and then some!) from right at home to far-reaching destinations. Blowjobs (and cunnilingus too!) are good acts for experimenting with sex in different places because if you get interrupted (and let's hope you don't) you can zip up and play dumb pretty easily. So, let's get going!

#1 In bed 

Let's start with the basics. Blowjobs in bed are pretty great. You can take turns laying down, you can prop yourself up with pillows, you can get under the covers if it's cold. It's also the perfect place to get extremely playful and exploratory.

You can lay your head over the side of the bed while your partner enters your mouth from above for great deep throating, you can try different ways to 69 for wonderful (and comfortable) mutual pleasure and you can move the fun anywhere else in the house.

#2 In the kitchen

When you're cooking something up with your partner, things tend to get pretty flirty. Maybe you spill a little something on yourself and need to take off an article of clothing.

Maybe you taste test something off of their finger and it inspires you to suck on something else. You can get down on your knees, roll around on the floor (and you can check to make sure nothing rolled under the fridge while you're down there) or get him sitting up on the counter to get better access. You can use whatever sexy foods you have on hand to lick off each other. Why not use a little oil to stroke him while you suck him for a silky smooth handjob. Just make sure not to burn anything while your attention is less focused on the cooking.

#3 While taking a bath or shower 

Playful splashing! Sensual soaping up! Feeling all fresh and clean, then getting all fresh and clean again after! Just a few of the great reasons why blowjobs in the bath/shower are lots of fun. A few words of caution: Don't slip! No matter how good it feels, don't lose your grip.

 If you're giving a blowjob on your knees under the shower, be sure to angle your eyes away from the stream so you don't end up with runny mascara stinging your eyes. And if you're in the bath and you want to see how long you can hold your breath, just be realistic about it. You're not Aquaman! As long as you play it safe, this is one of the most erotic ways to enjoy a blowjob.

#4 At a public restroom

Home washroom play can be fun, but there is something very sexy about sneaking away together to have a quickie in a secluded spot while at a bar, restaurant, concert etc. This invariably means the public restroom. If you luck into a place with single stall rooms, occupy it if there's more than one and you'll be assured a nice, leisurely blowjob.

 If you're in a multi-stall room, you'll need to be a lot more quiet and try hiding behind him so that you can't overtly see two sets of feet. A lot of people love this kind of thrill, so go for it!  Just be sure to hurry up if anyone knocks and don't feel too embarrassed when you walk out.

#5 Up against a wall in an alley 

For those of us in big cities, we've all seen a couple giggling and holding hands as they sneak into an alley for… most likely a blowjob. Of course, there's the risk of getting caught, but if you can be discrete and ready to leave at a moment's notice, you can take advantage of urban life by infusing it with your sexuality. Squatting instead of kneeling is a good way to avoid sore knees from the sidewalk and leaning up against a wall is the best way to ensure that you're out of the field of vision. This can feel a little dirty, but only if you want it to. It's a playful way to take sex out into the streets-literally.

#6 Under the table 

This is fun whether you're in public or at home, though this would be a pretty high risk thing to try at a restaurant. Mostly, it's a nice way to always be surprising with the blowjob. You can't be seen, so every change of speed or sensation is totally unexpected. This can be really thrilling. And if you happen to catch a glimpse of each other and lock eyes covertly under the table, there's a real jolt by having that moment of connection. Try this at home and, well, proceed with caution if you try it anywhere else. It's better to covertly tease each other under the table to start.

#7 The great outdoors 

I've been lucky enough to give blowjobs in a stream, in a field, on a beach, and in the forest. There's nothing more lovely than feeling the wind in your hair and seeing the beauty of nature all around you while you enjoy this sensual act. It's pretty easy to find secluded spots in the wilderness and it brings out your animalistic side and all the desires that come along with it. So, next time you're on a road trip, camping or on vacation at a lovely beach, lay down and marvel at the stars or the bright blue sky while savoring a beautiful blowjob.

#8 In a car  

This reminds me of getting out of the house to have a moment of privacy. Parking is an antiquated concept in a way, but it still goes on and you can do it even once you have your own private space, just to spice things up. I'm not advocating road head (drive safe!) but I do think that there's a really sexy feeling that comes with leaning over from one seat to give a really erotic blowjob.

 You can be in the passenger's seat or the driver's seat metaphorically and literally. Just park somewhere low-key and unexpected. No one likes hearing that tap on the window.



#9 On camera 

This isn't really a place, but it is in a way. Giving a blowjob on film is pretty incredible, speaking from personal experience. Being filmed is exhilarating, you end up feeling like you're giving the best blowjob of your life because you're paying extra attention to feeling sexy and then you can watch it again to enjoy how hot it is. If you do want to take it to the next level and to another "place" by putting it on the Internet, just be sure to stay as anonymous as you can unless that's not the point. Hide anything identifiable from view. Then wait for the comments to come rolling in, spurring you on to more passionate blowjob exploration.

#10 From the rooftops

Have you ever wanted to declare your love from the rooftops? Well, you can sort of do that with a blowjob. This is for the real adventurer. If you have access to a fire escape, then you can conceivably climb up a short building for a nice view of the night sky and an unforgettable blowjob experience- if you're up to the challenge.

What's your favorite place to enjoy a blowjob?

Camille Crimson specializes in sexuality, feminism, oral sex, and creating and marketing beautiful porn. Her websites The Art of the Blowjob and Slow Motion Blowjob are full of exquisite photo and video shoots that showcase "the subversive yet natural subject we all love: sex". On top of being a versatile business woman, Camille plays guitar, loves horror movies, and has recently gotten into motorcycles. Follow Camille on Twitter @CamilleCrimson and on Facebook.

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Since we got lots of love for this article, we're including it as a 2012 favorite!

Big, small, earth shattering: we love them all. I am talking about orgasms of course! Though Orgasm October is over, our whole team is thinking about orgasms. They make us feel amazing, relaxed, re-energized, happy, and sexy. Everyone loves an orgasm! Who doesn't? But, besides those awesome things, orgasms also have some great health benefits. Not only do they feel amazing but here are some ways they improve our health! Our Crimson Love reports.

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Like you ever needed an excuse to want an orgasm? Well, now you do. Below are 5 reasons you must be having orgasms regularly. Whether it's with a partner or alone, orgasms are an excellent way to touch yourself or sex yourself healthy. Anyway you spin it, orgasms are great!

Without adieu, the 5 health benefits of orgasm:

#1 Heart health

When your man cums, take it! Swallowing semen is not only good for your teeth but it is also good for your heart. Semen helps keeps plaque levels low and rigorous sex is also a great cardio workout. Have more sex and more orgasms because it helps keep your heart strong and your teeth healthy.


#2 Stress relief 

Ever notice how when you have that big "O" it feels like everything else that stresses you out just melts away? It's because of the chemicals that your brain releases, dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin. They all give you happy, loving feelings. Sex for your stress, anyone?  

#3 Pain relief 

OK, so admittedly, we did just write an article about how sex can be painful. We hope this isn't the case. If you are experiencing pain in sex, do check out that article. However, if you're experiencing pain in different areas of your body, orgasm can really alleviate that pain.

How? Orgasm works similarly to stress relief when oxytocin, dopamine, and endorphins are released in the body. When these chemicals are released, they increase your tolerance to pain. So, that headache that you have can feel a little better after a nice romp. No more excuses.

#4 Orgasms fight cancer

Regular sexual activity is good for your sexual organs. Regular ejaculation helps keep prostate cancer away. Similarly, regular sexual activity and orgasm is good for the vagina because it helps to keep different uterine conditions at bay. Have more sex to keep your sexual organs healthy!

#5 Better sleep 

After your orgasm, your body releases a cocktail of amazing chemicals. One of them is endorphins which not only makes you feel happy but can also have the effect of a sedative. More sex and orgasms for better sleep? Yes, please!

Having orgasms does wonders for the body and for your overall health. So, go ahead have some more.

With love from, GetLusty!

Spanking seems like a lost art to many non-kinksters. More than taboo, it seems like it could be painful or malicious. At GetLusty, we're all about educating so you do it right. Spanking can be really enjoyable. It can also provide a different set of sensations during your sex sessions than you normally don't get. Before doing the more kinky activities, we do recommend you read Jean-Luc Gothos Sexual Negotiation 101 and talk about consent. Always, always, always talk about it before you do it! Let each other know you're curious about doing something different. You know--shaking things up a little.

That being said, you heard from our long-time writer Ellen Dukes about whipping and flogging. Now, how about a more rounded out view on erotic spanking? We think this practice is rather sexy, so GetLusty's Rachel Colias is here to report on why and how you can try this erotic foreplay artfully.

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Have your fantasies ever included being disciplined? Do you become aroused by rough, consensual play? Is the idea of being someone’s submissive partner one you enjoy? If you answered yes to any of these questions, or are excited by the scenarios, you may be interested in exploring erotic spanking! The technical term for being aroused by spanking is spankophilia, and you don’t have to be on the receiving end to enjoy it! Spankophilia also includes becoming aroused by delivering a spanking to other parties.

As simple as spanking sounds, those here at GetLusty for Couples are here to explain how complex it can really be. Between different positions, toys, foreplay, costumes and role play, it can get more complicated than you’d think. But if erotic spanking is something you want to try, or if you want to mix up your spanking routine, I’m sure we can offer you a great selection to choose from!

The possibilities for erotic spanking are so extensive that we’ve decided to split the article up into two parts. This first part outlines different positions and toys that are great for spanking.

While many may assume erotic spanking is a more modern kink, there’s evidence that it actually dates back to around the sixth century b.c. The evidence for this being an image found in an Etruscan burial site depicting an eroticized flagellation, or, flogging. This erotic punishment also permeated quite a bit into Victorian culture and, more specifically, pornography. Of course it’s hard to say where and when it truly started, but it’s hardly outdated! Let’s get started on the basics.

Positions 

What better place to start than the how? It’s easy to assume that most positions include a person being in a bent over position, but it doesn’t necessarily have to be that bland. Here are a few tips on different ways to set up the act: (Remember! You can add ankle, wrist, or body restraints to any of these positions!)

#1 The spanker sits in the middle of a long couch,  while the spankee — person being spanked — lays stomach-down across their lap with their ass positioned directly over the spanker’s crotch. If the spanker happens to be male-bodied, this gives the spankee a wonderfully exciting sensation when he/she/they start(s) to become aroused. This is also a pretty comfortable position for the spankee.

#2 The spankee kneels on a couch or chair, facing backwards, bending over with their hands on the back of the furniture. The spanker stands in front of the couch or chair, facing the spankee’s back. This gives the spanker a pretty dominant position considering they’re practically standing over the spankee and is perfect for dominant/submissive play.

#3 The spankee lies stomach-down on the floor, ass either flat or slightly elevated if you want to tuck a pillow under the spankee’s stomach, while the spanker either stands or kneels above them.

#4 A modification to the previous option, the spankee can also lay stomach-down on a bed, table, or any other flat surface that allows for the spanker to stand over them.

#5 Both the spanker and spankee are standing for this one. The spankee leans slightly forward, hands either flat against a wall or holding on to something like a table or door frame. The spanker stands behind or slightly beside the spankee.

#6 Of course, the classic spankee bent over the spanker’s lap. This is different from the first scenario in that it’s generally performed in a chair where the spankee is entirely bent over, not just lying down. Again, if the spanker is male-bodied there’s an added pleasure bonus for the spankee!

#7 The spankee bends over a table, lying stomach-down on its surface, while the spanker stands behind.

#8 The spankee is bent over the shoulder or the arm of the spanker.

#9 Looking for something a little more serious and expensive? Try purchasing a spanking bench! This apparatus comes in quite a few positional styles and can include rings for restraints.

All of the above-mentioned techniques are suggestions that can easily be modified to fit different scenarios or furniture. If you have any personal favorites I haven’t mentioned, leave them in the comments below!

Toys

But what do we do with all these new, fun situations? Here are a few toys, or spanking tools, you can integrate into the process now that you’ve assumed the position:

#1 In honor of #SexToyTuesday, my first suggestion is Chicago’s Early To Bed Jack Boot Paddle (to the right). Be warned, this paddle is not for beginners or light dabblers. This boot-shaped paddle packs a punch! The boot print is made of rubber and the paddle wood, so there is NO give! When you get spanked, you will definitely feel it!

#2 If the serious-business paddles aren’t really your style, why not try the back of a hairbrush? It’s much smaller and while plastic or wood still stings, it’s easier and cheaper to experiment with. Similarly, you can use a wooden spoon.

#3 Another wooden option would be a cane, which comes in all lengths and girths.

#4 Standard paddle (comes in materials such as soft leather, rubber, or wood and can even be found with feathers or a soft material cover for a lighter sensation).

#5 Riding crop, which is long and generally comes with a handle on one end and small, flat spanking surface on the other. These are effective in causing quick, sharp and stinging sensations.

#6 The classic hand. While pretty standard and totally free, there is definitely a variety of techniques that can be used. These include flat hand with fingers spread, cupped hand, hard open palm, an immediate spank-and-grope, and basically anything else you can think of!

#7 Although this isn’t necessarily “spanking,” flogs and whips are also great for delivering a backside-beating.

As always, feel free to comment about your own favorite toys!

It's never to late to ponder about all the fabulous things that happened in 2012 (think: GetLusty)! We loved this one so much, we put it back on the shelf as a, "Best of"!

Handjobs should never be forgotten or underrated. What could be more sexy than waking your man up in the morning with your hand gently caressing his shaft? Now, we all know by now how to give an amazing blowjob and why blowjobs are important thanks to the amazingly talented Camille Crimson. But what about the handjob? Tommy Allen, our favorite happily married husband, is here with some advice on the handjob and why it can be the main attraction more often, rather than just a teaser.

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How can something so simple and yet so sexually satisfying as a handjob be so misunderstood? Just the sight of her dainty hand wrapped around your growing and responding sex tool is a visual aphrodisiac.

Too often, a handjob has been relished to the role of foreplay; just a teaser, not the main attraction. I think occasionally, the perfect handjob can be the feature! Below are several recommendations for making your next manual love session better.

#1 Initiate 

Wake up one morning and gently roll him on his side facing away from you. Pull yourself tight against his back with your breasts pressed hard against him. Reach over and touch his lower stomach with your fingers. Rub your hand back and forth just above his dick without touching it. In a few moments he'll have an erection that cannot continue to be ignored.
Have a towel handy and place it where the expected explosion will occur. When you put the towel under him you are telling him that you expect to jack him off until he cums and he should feel free to let that happen. That towel is the assurance he needs to realize he's free to let go and let it happen.

#2 Move slow and steady 

Now wrap your hand around his hard toy. Bend your hand so the tips of your fingers are rubbing against the underside of his penis as your hand moves up and down his shaft in a slow, steady motion. Let the palm of your hand gently glide back and forth along the entire length. Don't jerk, don't beat, just sensually slide up and down and quicken the pace ever so slightly as you feel him tensing.

Just remember he is absolutely enjoying your hand jerking off his dick, but it's the totality of sensations that accumulate to make this a mind-blowing experience. Breathe gently on the back of his neck while pulled up close to him. Push your pelvis forward so he can feel the warmth of your femininity against his ass. Brush your toes against his legs and feet.

#3 Connect with him in the moment

Just before explosion, pull the final trigger. Stop stroking and put your finger in your mouth as if you're tasting what he's offering.

Then caress the head of his penis with your wet fingers from your own mouth. Rub the moisture all over the head so he knows you are sharing your juices with him. The time is right to pick up the pace and finish the job.

Make your strokes more deliberate and intense. Breath heavily with him letting him know you are anxiously anticipating his release.

Once he ejaculates, gently rub the extra juices over the head of his penis while you both relax and enjoy the moment. I'll bet he'll offer you something special in return. Check out Tommy's other article on lovingly playing with his balls, for some added pleasure!

When we heard from Tommy, we were very excited. He's still very much in love with his wife of over 3 decades. And he wants to share his successful skills! 

Tommy has been happily married for 34 years and together he and his wife has 3 grown sons. He is a student of life and love. He loves to learn by watching, listening and observing others. He use his blog to share his observations on life, love and relationships. Love is Tommy's favorite subject. He and his wife have lived, loved, loved and loved some more in Daytona Beach for more than 18 years.

You've heard from GetLusty about intimacy and sensuality in sex - about intimacy before and after. So how about making the act itself - whether that's intercourse or foreplay - more sensual? Our newest writers, the cutest counseling couple we've seen recently, Dr. Janelle Alex, Ph.D. and Rob Alex, M.Sc., are here to shed light on sensuality in sex.

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When you hear the word “sensual” you are most likely going to relate it to something sexual. If someone says to you, “You should try these strawberries. They are the most sensual fruit I have ever tasted,” where does your mind go?

Does it click in on just the fact that those strawberries must have been ripened to perfection? Or does your mind instantly click to a sexy image of biting into the fruit? What if someone offers to take you on a sensual journey? The first thing that probably comes to mind is the sexual scenario implied by such an offer and not the possibility he/she was just inviting you to the local grocery and department store. That could be sensual after all – taste this food, smell that cologne, feel this fabric, hear that song, read those tabloid headlines.

Yet, isn’t doing your regular shopping something you sometimes dread. It has become boring. It feels like a chore. You just want to hurry up and get it over with because you know you need to do it, but really don’t want to. Uh oh, those descriptions might well cover something else in your life. Sex.

Sex can absolutely be animalistic and a "rip your clothes off and jump on your partner" experience, but it can be very slow and sensual too. It should never just be about taking off your clothes, getting under the covers, groping each other a couple of minutes and then bumping and grinding for a few more minutes. So, how can you explore sensuality and bring it back into your sex life? Remember that sensual means that you are gratifying the senses. Satisfying all of your desires such as seeing, touching, smelling, hearing, and tasting is where sensuality really arrives on the scene. And, guess what, satisfying your sixth sense – your intuition or spiritual self, is quite sensual too.

Here are 5 ways to make your intimate play sensual. Bonus: Call it intimate play ;) That changes it up right from the start.

#1 Focus on sensation

Wear clothing that feels good on your skin. Silk is a common suggestion here as it is cool to touch and so smooth. The feel of it brushing against your skin throughout the day can be a turn on. And, when your partner touches you through the silk that can be extremely exciting for both of you. If you don’t want to wear a sensual type of material during the day, then pick up some silk scarves or a feather or something velvety. Then you can use these different items to drag over your lover’s skin later in the evening. Focus on the sensation of the material or item touching you. It may be relaxing, tickly, or it may just have you ready to grab your lover and get busy.

#2 Light up your senses

Bring different flavors and smells into your lovemaking. One interesting way to do this is to get the Sexy Challenge: Lips Like Sugar as it offers you unique insight into trying different tastes with and/or upon your partner. Adding different flavors to your physically intimate life with your beloved can occur in a variety of ways. Food may seem like an obvious thing to bring into your lovemaking and there are many ways to do that, but don’t overlook flavored lubes as well. There are also a vast number of ways to bring in amazing aromas. Scented candles (we always recommend flameless candles for safety), lotions, colognes, lubes, and the different food items are all great ways to enhance your sensuality.

#3 Listen

What about hearing? How can you make that sensual? You could whisper sexy phrases or words of love into your partner’s ear. You could turn on music that you both enjoy and that will get you in the mood.

But what about hearing the sound of your lover’s laughter? Bringing laughter and silliness into your sex life can be an amazing experience. Just let go and be goofy together. Laughter and lightheartedness will bring powerful, playful passion into your life and hopefully, you will come to appreciate the sensuous sound of your lover’s laugh.

#4 Massage

Time for a little naked massage! Yay! This actually satisfies more than one sense. With low lighting you can visually soak up the beauty of your sweetie all oiled up and glistening, but you can enjoy the aromas of scented oils or just the animalistic smell of him/her too. With both of you naked you can take turns rubbing your hands, your feet and your entire body – yep, genitals are great massage tools too – over your lover.

#5 Focus on their pleasure

Last but not least, we highly recommend that you pay attention and be consciously aware not only during foreplay and lovemaking, but at the peak of orgasm, after you are coming down from orgasm and for the next couple of days.

How do you feel? Did you notice anything out of the ordinary – visions, images, an extreme sense of bliss or simply like you entered a void or time was suspended? Sexual orgasmic energy taps you into the creative source (call it whatever you like – the Universe, Spirit, God, the Divine or even I don’t know what it is, but it sure feels goooood). This access to creativity through orgasm is why we want you to pay attention up to a few days later to see if you are more creative, have new ideas, solve problems easier than normal or maybe you just have a bigger smile on your face and feel energized.

Use these five ways to bring more sensuality into your sex life and we believe you will transform your relationship and take your intimacy to a higher level – no matter where it is now.

We're so excited to get a couple writing for GetLusty! They're both adorable, smart and altogether wonderful!

Dr. Janelle Alex, Ph.D. and Rob Alex, M.Sc. are writers, counselors as well as Sacred and Sensual Teachers. They recently completed an eBook on "Sexy Challenges: Sacret and Sensual Experiences for Lovers" which is on sale at Amazon! Learn more about them on Sexy Challenges.

This holiday season, we're being extra adventurous. But after trying all our other sex positions, we still kinda love missionary. Missionary can be mundane, but it doesn't have to be. Are you growing tired of your normal, missionary, sex routine? We love sex positions and updating the "vanilla", and sometimes boring, missionary position will definitely improve your sex life and keep things interesting and hot. Just because Freaky Friday has come and gone doesn't mean you can't mix in a little freakiness into an ordinary Monday! Go ahead and read these five variations of the standard missionary position from our Michigan-based Sexologist superstar, Megan Stubbs!

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Typically described as “man-on-top and woman-on-bottom," the missionary position classic go-to configuration is one that millions of couples have engaged in over the years. As legend has it, this position found its name from Christian missionaries because they believed this position to be the right, and only way, to have sexual intercourse. Other cultures, religions, and groups, have their own name for this position as well (the "angelic position" and "manner of serpents").

The missionary position is prized for its level of intimacy because of how close you can be with your partner. It's great for eye contact, kissing, and is fairly low impact. But if you’ve grown tired of the standard missionary, try out one of these five variations.

#1 A tight squeeze

Ladies once your partner is inside, both of you keep your legs together. Move your pelvis so it is slightly below his and have him give you deep thrusts and rock against your mons pubis. The increased tightness from your legs being together will feel great to him, and because you are positioned slightly below his pelvis, the base of his penis should rub against your clitoris.

#2 One flight up 

While on your back, bring your knees to your chest and have your partner enter you. Move your calves to rest onto his shoulders and have him brace himself with his hands by your side. This position is great for your man to run the show and leaves you open for deliciously deep penetration. Fun fact for this position: it is awesome for anal too!

#3 Give me props

Ladies, grab some pillows and prop them under your butt. Have your partner enter you and hold himself above you (think upward-facing dog) and have him give you slow deep circular thrusting motions. This position is great for him because he gets greater access to you and the angle at which your pelvis is at is perfect for G-spot stimulation.

#4 Erotic embrace

Ladies, this position plays out like standard missionary except you wrap your arms and legs around your partner. This position is great because it allows you to get maximum skin-on-skin contact with your partner. You are able to easily give kisses, whisper sweet nothings, and caress your partner's face. A rocking motion rather than thrusting can heighten the level of intimacy as well.

#5 Seeing stars

Begin having missionary style sex and as you approach climax, slide yourself to where your upper half is hanging off the edge of the bed. By now the blood should be rushing to your head and as you climax, you should experience an extraordinary sensation throughout your entire body. Don’t stay in this position too long because you may wind up seeing stars, literally, and pass out!

As we move through the holiday season, we need to work a little harder in all the areas of our lives. So many distractions and obligations! Out of all the things you need to make time for in your busy holiday schedule, be careful not to neglect the most important matters. Like foreplay!The simplest of ways to spice up sex is elongated, quality foreplay. Don't just jump straight to cunnilingus or blowjobs, they aren't the only kinds of foreplay, as amazing as they are. GetLusty writer Brittany Meyer is here to give some simple, yet fun foreplay ideas.

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Foreplay simply means any kind of sexual activity that precedes intercourse, so why not try to make it as arousing as possible? Here are 6 kinds of foreplay you should consider experimenting with.

#1 Erogenous zones

Male and female anatomy have different sensitive zones. We all know that the pubic area is very sensitive (that’s why sex rocks) but foreplay concentrates on the rest of the body. People under estimate how sensitive the rest of their bodies are. In fact, many people can have orgasms without even having their genitals touched, if stimulated correctly. The ears are a great area to focus on because they are loaded with thousands of nerve endings. Focus on areas that don’t receive much attention: the under arms, back of the knees, sides of the body, and hips. Try lightly stimulating these areas with gentle touches, squeezes, kisses, and licks. It will feel like you are requesting permission to pleasure them.

For some help with male erogenous zones, try His 10 Erogenous Zones You Should Know.

#2 Try a toy

Sometimes a trip to a local sex shop is just what the doctor ordered! Playing with a vibrator, massager, flavored lotion, or a soy candle can be quite inspiring. One of the most amazing things I can recommend is getting a scalp massager (one of those spider-looking things) and use it on your partner.

They have a gentle touch that can thrill you with anticipation extending to all sorts of nerves. It is also wonderful because it will seem more unpredictable than what you're used to, and the chilly metal can be a wonderful feeling.

#3 Withholding

A popular sex technique is to back off when you know your partner is about to cum and rebuild the orgasm for a more intense climax. Try this same technique with foreplay; try taking it slow, so much about sex is control—try being the one in charge of the pace and just when they can’t take it anymore and they want to begin intercourse, back off and let it rebuild.

This will build on your partner’s anticipation and as soon as you decide to begin, hand over the reins and just allow them to unleash all that passion. You will not regret it.

#4 Talking dirty

There are many shades of dirty talk, from vanilla compliments to kinky, dirty, and smutty. Keeping open communication with your partner will help you know their boundaries. If you still feel uncomfortable, we recommend two approaches:

Start simple by just telling your partner what you enjoy about them. It can be, “I love when you press up against me,” to, “You know just what to do to me.” Depending on the response, gauge how far you can go and how well they respond to what you are saying. The other approach is to dive right in: Say what you have always been thinking – like, “You know how to fuck me like nobody else,” or, “I’m going to fucking make you cum all over my mouth.” Some people will love to be called a slut, and others will find that distasteful. This approach is a little more of a risk if you haven’t done any dirty talk before but can be extremely rewarding for both of you if you hit the right note.

#5 Take it longer

For those of you into psychology and experiments, this will be perfect for you! This technique can be extended over a day or even a whole week (if you so choose.) The idea of it is to drop little sensual hints over a period of time driving your partner wild. It can start with the morning being just an erotic massage before work, but be sure to not to do anything more.

When they are at work, send them a text reminding them of how excited you are for them to get home tonight or how you can’t get them off your mind. When they come home, be sure to go out of your way to touch them when you normally would not, for example; brush by them in the hallway, hug them from behind when they're preparing dinner and sway your hips with theirs, put your leg under their leg at the dinner table. Simple acts that are not necessarily sexual, will get their attention. By the time you two head to bed, their eagerness will have been building all day and they will be ready to go.


#6 Clothes (and lack thereof)  

Some people are afraid of lingerie but it could be a fantastic move for both of you! The most important thing you can do is buy something you feel comfortable wearing—a nice pair of panties with matching bra is something you can enjoy and can actually make you feel good.

Or try a sexy bodice that you love looking at yourself wearing; something that makes you feel sexy is ideal. The more comfortable you get with yourself in these clothes, the better it will be for the both of you. Another form of clothed foreplay is simply, clothed foreplay. You get completely different sensations from being touched when you have clothes on than when you do not. Try playing around with over-the-pants touching or fooling around wearing different fabrics. Sometimes a nice silk robe is a turn-on in itself. Sometimes, you don't need anything too special. Try walking around, carrying on as you normally would at home, wearing a short skirt or a revealing top. Get him/her to notice you. A sheer top with a black bra underneath, a button-down shirt, unbuttoned to show off your cleavage. Don't show too much, let his imagination take over, and don't be intentional – just walk past him a few times. When you sit, arch your back, sitting straight up, and cross your bare legs. Just tease him/her with the sight of you. Another thing you can try to do with clothes (or the lack of them) is a sexy dance. Try moving around to music; make a short routine to turn your partner on. People are turned on by sensual movement on the dance floor so why not try it in the bedroom?

Try any number of these foreplay recommendations, but I do recommend just trying one at a time to figure out what works best for you and your partner. You will probably come to find that a combination  of some is exactly what you need, but hey, have fun with it! After all, it is sex.

Brittany just moved to Chicago after finishing her degree from FSU and arrived with a thirst to learn about everything that has to do with sex. Having been involved with The F-Word, The Vagina Monologues, amateur drag and sexuality classes, she is a very sex positive lady. When she's not admiring architecture, Brittany rocks the mic at stand-up comedy clubs across Chicago. Questions or comments? Get in touch via reply@getlusty.com.

So we just jumped straight into polyswinging and then polyamory. It's going to keep popping up, of course. Why? We're all about exploring ways to make your relationship better. Polyamory might be it? You never know. O.M. Grey, a knowledgeable polyamory writer and prolific blogger, talks about the characteristics of a polyamorists. Is your relationship ready for polyamory? O.M. Grey explains more. Read on!

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I’ve learned so  much in the past two years. And I’m going to share it with you without holding back. Not even a little bit. This is “my truth,” as the new-agey, responsibility-avoiding people like to say.

My husband and I have been polyamorous for about seven years. Although, I suppose the first few were much more about being a non-descript form of an open marriage since we weren’t seeking multiple, committed, loving relationships. The theory behind our lifestyle is what I’ve said again and again: Love breeds love and desire breeds desire. Any encounter we had outside our marriage during those first few years were very open and the intentions on both sides were very, very clear.

When we moved into practicing polyamory (seeking out another committed, loving relationship) I learned not everyone has the same definition of polyamory as us. Well, as those people who are successfully practicing a polyamory lifestyle do.

So let's take apart, "poly" and "amory" to understand better.

What is poly?

Most people who love to call themselves (and hide behind) “poly” are really focused on quantity rather than quality. Alright. I can have more than one girlfriend/lover. So, I’m going to have three! Because, let’s see... I’ve never been able to make a relationship with one woman work long term, so I’m going to try with three! That’s the ticket! That’s the answer! That’s where I’ve been going wrong for the past 15 years!

Most people I’ve met in the Austin poly community are not practicing polyamory. They’re dating. They go from several short-term relationships to several short-term relationships, none lasting more than 3-6 months. Hello! Not polyamory! That’s dating! And not dating very successfully because they keep ending!

Also in the Austin, poly community are several truly polyamorous families. They are what’s known as the “core group.” One of them even call themselves the polypod, and I think that’s rather adorable. The polypod, from what I’ve seen (and I’ve only seen them from a distance), as well as the few other multi-relationship groups who I know a little better and I’d consider friends, are doing it well. And by well, I mean successfully. They are open, honest, respectful, loving and supportive. They commit and invest in their relationships.

They might have casual sex on the side from time to time, but it’s after their current relationships are firmly established and secure. Because, after all, it’s about more love… not more sex. And the few times you need to fulfill that biological need with someone different, then be honest about that. Never lie to get laid. How disgusting.


What about 'amory' or love?

The most successful polyamorous relationships I’ve seen focus much more on the “amorous” part of the word, less on the “poly” part. It’s about love! It’s all about love! Relationships take effort, investment, time and energy to solidify. If you claim to be poly, think about this: If you want to be poly, think about this:

Take. One. Relationship. At. A. Time.

When your first relationship has a solid foundation (and I mean SOLID foundation), the kind that takes at least a year, if not more, to establish, then look for a second one. This is not a race to see who can have the biggest harem. And, by the way, if you’re building a harem. YOU’RE NOT POLY! You’re a misogynist and a predator who sees women as life support systems for their pussies.

How to become polyamorous 

Romantic relationships contain drama (how I’ve come to loathe that word). It’s built in. Everyone has their insecurities and their baggage. Everyone has their idiosyncrasies. It takes time to build a solid foundation and learn how to communicate with each other. Build trust. Establish and maintain intimacy. Minimize and handle inevitable conflicts. Ease through misunderstandings. Manage fears and insecurities on both side. Get to a level of comfort and security in yourselves and each other.

Then, open up to dating others. I’m not talking about casual sex unless that’s specifically what you’re looking for. If it is, be very up front about that. Because polyamory means multiple, loving, committed relationships, or the pursuit thereof. Set clearly defined rules and don’t break them, or that will damage the trust you just spent a year building. Once you meet someone you think you can form a deeper relationship with, close off dating others. Focus on solidifying that second relationship while maintaining the first for another year!

Insecurities will pop up. Jealousies (and yes, they don’t magically disappear when you label yourself polyamorous) and misunderstandings will arise.

Give yourself time to learn about, develop, and nurture this other love. Commit yourself to making it work, for, again (and I repeat myself so much because so many people just don’t get it).
  
Healthy relationships require effort, investment and responsibility!

After the second relationship is solidified and the first is stronger than before, and you still have extra time/needs that aren’t being met, then look for a third relationship. But always remember, finding another significant other isn’t about finding someone better, it’s about increasing the love and the desire among your own little polypod. It’s about ensuring that everyone you love feels loved, not ignored or pushed to the side or replaced.

It’s about more love. Always, more love.

If you don’t have time/energy/capacity to manage, maintain, nurture, and grow one or two relationships, plus your job, plus your kids, plus time for yourself and your friends – why do you want another? It’s a recipe for disaster and heartache on many levels. You don’t date someone for three months and say, “Okay, ‘primary’ – check. We’re ‘solid,’ so who’s next?”

Fuck that. You’re not solid after three months. You’re barely starting. And if you run at the first sign of struggle, then, guess what, you're not a poly! If you find yourself saying “I want to be able to do what I want when I want, without responsibility or accountability,” then you’re not poly. You’re selfish.

The last two years have been difficult, as you all have seen from reading this blog, especially the past few months. Do you really think my marriage could’ve survived (let alone thrived and gotten stronger) if it hadn’t been quite literally unshakable?

And for those of you looking for you 100%-genuinely-happy-all-the-time-easy-no-drama-or-responsibility-perfect love? Grow the fuck up. There is no such thing. When you are a perfect partner, you’ll find your fairy tale perfect love. And let me tell you, mister, you’ve got a long fucking way to go. I guess the anger portion of the grieving has set in. It’s about fucking time.

This was a post by O.M. Grey. The original post can be found on her blog here.

Nestled in the mountains of Northern California, Olivia M. Grey lives in the cobwebbed corners of her mind writing paranormal romance with a Steampunk twist. She dreams of the dark streets of London and the decadent deeds that occur after sunset. As an author of Steamy Steampunk, as well as a poet, blogger, podcaster, and speaker, Olivia focuses both her poetry and prose on alternative relationship lifestyles and deliciously dark matters of the heart and soul.

Her work has been published in various anthologies and magazines like Stories in the Ether, Steampunk Adventures, SNM Horror Magazine and How The West Was Wicked. Her premier Steampunk BDSM erotica novel, Avalon Revisited, is an Amazon.com Gothic Romance bestseller. She loves to host tea parties, and she runs a delightful game of charades, Victorian style. Follow her on Twitter @omgrey and subscribe to her on Facebook.

Masturbation is a healthy and natural act of self-love. Stressed out? Masturbate! Feeling horny? Masturbate! We recommend both she and he masturbate. Since masturbation seems to be such a great way to release and improve on oneself, we thought it would be interesting to take the idea of masturbation to relationships. Jacsman, our favorite resident writer on long-term gay relationships, is here with advice on how to masturbate or "whack off" 10 relationship myths that keep us from growing closer and becoming more intimate with one another.

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Masturbation as metaphor

Masturbation’s impulsive pleasure is one of the most significant joys that we bring with us into our relationships. As we took our pleasure into our own hands before — “polishing-the-pearl” during tea break, or “whacking-it-off” while waiting for the midday news report to commence — within coupledom, we have this agency in our partnership satisfaction. When that opportunity comes up during the day, we are intentional: we whack-it-off and then proceed with the rest of our occupations. What better sense of achievement (in under fifteen minutes) is there?

Masturbation is essential to sustaining the hearty sexual satisfaction we need in ourselves to experience satisfaction in our lovers. So I have paramount agency in my psychosexual satisfaction, being dependent on your lover for such satisfaction is problematic. It is potentially unhealthy for your relationship, since creating and making demands of your lover on a daily basis will empty them out in no time at all.

Prioritize your love 

Only if partners have their personal psychosexual satisfactions firmly in hand can the prime achievement of coupledom intimacy contribute to lovers’ experience of commitment. There are of course gradations of intimacy, and these are comparatively opaque in gay relationships, perhaps not from within our partnerships, but particularly from the outside looking in.

Though we do not need to follow heterosexual touchstones, to the larger part of the LGBTQ community the intimacy markers of engagement, marriage, and parenthood that characterise the bond between heterosexual couples are out of reach. Lacking such socio-culturally recognized status can be a source of dubiety in a gay partnership, becoming problematic when it interferes with the expression of feelings in the relationship.

The commitment that continued sexual and emotional involvement might imply can remain ambiguous indefinitely. Instead of just whacking-it-off, sitting down and doing it, talking honestly and transparently about our options/expectations and identifying/prioritizing our intimacy goals, we put this important communication off and continue getting by on assumption. In particular, gay men can be scared off by the intensity of prioritizing intimacy in this way. I suspect it is because we are, at first, virgins to the deeply gratifying pleasure resulting from taking hold of the opportunity to communicate quite so honestly and just whacking-it-off, getting it done, and then persisting in doing it. Committing to it until it is habit.

Hopefully, it's clear by this point why I am riding this masturbation metaphor. Masturbation in my committed sexual relationship serves to ensure my pleasure, distance, and time apart from my lover to see to my agency in my personal psychosexual satisfaction. Prioritizing and habituating honesty, transparency, and the celebration of our authentic love for each other serves to ensure our deepest pleasure, our sincerest intimacy, and most precious anniversaries together. You’ll come to cherish this pleasure too and in any moment during your day!

Relationship myths

What gives me great pleasure to tell you is that by whacking-off your intimacy and partnership priority, you'll come to understand the truth of your commitment and the true pleasure of your relationship, sexual and otherwise. Just as most couples, we buy into at least one of the common, and dare I say heterosexual socio-cultural myths, that mislead us in our most important interpersonal relationship. After all, LGBTQ souls, in wonderment, integrated the same fairy tales all people share in collective consciousness: Prince Charming, the Sleeping Beauty, Brave Huntsman, the Wicked Stepmother, and need I even mention Happily Ever After?

In "The Heart of Love," John F. Demartini notes that American President John F. Kennedy once pointed out, “The great enemy of truth is very often not the lie — deliberate, contrived, and dishonest — but the myth — persistent, persuasive, and unrealistic”. Most valid here, his surety for realistic living is to stop enjoying “the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought."

Going beyond fantasy to find true relationship fulfillment makes it necessary for us to prioritize our love’s truth and transparency; once a couple is in the habit of eliminating this, the joy of emancipation from false relationship myths climaxes in most intense relationship intimacy, sexually or otherwise.

The 10 relationship myths to "whack-off"

Rubbing out the following ten myths can, in some cases very ironically, be the most poignant bonding experiences for gay couples:

#1 My relationship makes me happy

Nope, you make you happy.

#2 My soulmate completes me

You are a complete human being in and of yourself.

#3 A “real” relationship will last forever 

All relationships are real and all relationships last as long as it is real for the lovers.

#4 Once we overcome choppy waters it will be smooth sailing 

Afraid not; storms come and go.

#5 A good relationship requires sacrifice 

Think again. Fulfilling coupledom requires communication and understanding, not martyrdom.

#6 Great sex happens only at the beginning of a relationship

Ecstatic sex can be honed from mutual understanding, trust, and intimacy, all grown over time.

#7 In the right relationship, I won’t have to work at it 

Commitment requires continued practice.

#8 In a relationship, I’ll never feel lonely 

Your feelings are involuntary, your lover cannot rescind them.

#9 Children can validate our commitment 

Your commitment is not your child’s/children’s responsibility.

#10 Opposites attract

You are not a couple of fridge magnets.

When to "Whack-it-off"

Once rid of the delusions, it becomes a matter of rhythm how you whack-it-off. It is your dialogical business as lovers to nurture mutual understanding, trust, and intimacy with each other. The 21st century lifestyle doesn’t allow for too many of these engagements, and while there is no magic number appropriate for every relationship, I consider one or two times per month as the bare-assed minimum to sustain relationship development. Calendaring might sound too businesslike, but calendaring is proactive prioritization of both your lover and your relationship. Setting a date with your partner assures a night of potency on the docket, more often than not in both cases: emotional and orgasmic. Everything leading up to the date is effectively edging, until, together, you whack-it-off.

Even the most time strapped, communicatively challenged partners should never miss mandatory (birthday, anniversary, etc.) opportunities to prioritize their love and consideration for each other, when any excuse less than anaphylactic shock won't exempt a partner from duty to commitment and love. Also, create your practicable fairy tale by inventing your own "touchstone" moments.

In a future GetLusty post, I will arouse your imagination on how to recognize and lovingly carve out such mandatory opportunities to whittle on your intimacy communication. The best place to start however, is to get lusty for it and just whack-it-off. Just do it. Get Lusty endeavours to get couples there, whether straight or gay.

Develop and understand your relationship better; again, whether a gay or straight couple, turn the lust up for one another and subscribe to GetLusty. GetLusty guides us towards intimate understanding of our love for each other as we all aspire to nurture the kind of commitment that can sustain our souls. I’ll do near anything to help you get your lust on for your lover, and share the joy and learning from it with the lovers of the world.

Do It well, do It safe.
Jacsman


He studies and writes about men and masculinity in MSM relationships, and gay couples getting lusty is JacoPhillip’s cup of tea. Our resident advisor on gay long-term relationships, JacoPhillip Crous is also known as Jacsman. A sex life educator, Jacsman consults in-person, on Skype, and by telephonic private sessions with couples and solo clients on ecstatic and intimate psycho-sexual lifestyle and development.

Jacsman promotes male2male dialogue that furthers understanding of masculine sexuality and MSM relationships. A research psychologist, he explores and investigates male psycho-sexual self-development phenomena, behaviours, experiences and knowledgeability. Find out more about JacoPhillip at: http://about.me/Jacsman.

Dating, initially it's the relationship version of an audition. You go on dates to see how well your potential partner does in the reality show of life. However, if you have been in a relationship for a while and live together or are married dating is a way of keeping things fresh and interesting. To kick off our three part series on dating, let us present to you part one. Our list of five dating benefits. GetLusty's Crimson Love reports.

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#1 Keeps things fresh

Even though you have been in a relationship with someone for a while that doesn't mean that you don't need to or shouldn't date. Dating your lover keeps your relationship fresh.

You are both taking time to go out, get dressed up and enjoy being with each other. Doing things outside of your normal routine will add some excitement and give you the chance to fall in love again especially if you get creative!

#2 Exercising compromise 

Compromise is a fundamental aspect of relationships that we often forget. When it comes to planning a date with your love, you exercise your compromising skills often. Going on a date is a give and take that symbolizes many other areas of your romance. While planning can get tough (Honey, why you don't like hip lounges, anymore?) the proof is in the pudding. Come to an agreement on where to go, what to do, and what time and have a fabulous time.

#3 Learn about your love

Dating can also put you in the perfect position to learn more about your lover. Think you know your lover better than anyone else? Go on a date and do something new together and you will learn new things about your lover you never expected.

#4 Bond

It may seem like a no brainer but don't overlook this or take this for granted. Putting yourselves in a new situation like doing a new activity can bring you and your lover closer.

 You are both learning and doing something new and in the experience that you share you bond. Over time it's easy to grow apart and your relationship become stagnant so don't be afraid to take the time to re-bond.  

#5 Get romantic

Just because you have been dating for a while and you have surpassed your honeymoon phase doesn't mean you can't have romance. Romance is a necessity for relationships. Without that you have a friendship. That's not a bad thing but having romance helps you stay engaged with each other. Romance adds fuel to that burning flame you hold with your lover.

Dating in a long term relationship will help you maintain that solid foundation on which your relationship stands on. Make it a regular part of the time you spend with your  lover and it will surly prolong the life of your relationship.