actress dance

Yesterday, we wrote up on places to have quickies. As you may have noticed, we're fans of loving adventurously. Public sex can be amazing, wonderful and extremely sexy. However, there are extra requirements when making love outside. We did have several pieces of feedback from scared ladies noting neither they nor their loved one's would want to see another couple doing "the do" outside. Totally agreed! In fact, there are several rules to keeping public sex amazing. Namely, that it's not too public. Think about these guidelines while getting it on, and we think you'll have a highly entertaining time. GetLusty's Crimson Love reports.

* * *

#1 Do it at night

Make sure that if you're going to have sex in public, that it's dark outside. You don't want to be easily spotted. If you may be doing it in the bushes, see #6-#8. Tip: While you're at it, enjoy this nighttime fun with soft, sweet kisses and an emphasis on your closeness.

#2 Don't get nude 

Unless you're on a nude beach, we don't recommend being naked. Full nudity is usually a bad idea. Keeping most of your clothes on. For example. take your top off but keeping your skirt on. Tip: Just because you're clothed doesn't mean you can't be sexy. Making love with articles of clothes on can still be very hot.

#3 Wear accessible clothes

Wearing a dress or skirt for easy accessibility can work well. Why? With pants, you have to unzip and unbotton. Trying to get them back on? That's also difficult. Have you ever seen somebody try to get back into tight jeans? Laying down is always much easier, but not very quick. If you're caught by a jogger or walker, wearing a skirt or dress means you can pop up like nothing happened. Tip: Walk quickly and laugh with your beau. Yes, you just did that. Aren't you both dare devils?

#4 No audience

Makes sure there are people around. Why? Having sex with others around--unless it's an orgy--is public indecency. It's illegal for a reason. No one wants to see you making love unless its consensual by all parties involved. Tip: Scan the area. Look left, look right. Don't see anyone? You're good to go!

#5 Tone it down

Don't be so loud so that people will hear. If you're in a public park or beach, it might not be a great time for loud sex. Want to be tied up and costumed out? Mmmm, no. Public sex isn't the best time for that. Want to try quick, enjoyable and exhibitionist sex that makes you feel like a rebel? Now you're talking!

#6 Doing it outside? Watch out for nature

Oh my goodness! Have you ever been making love outside and realize you're near an ant hill? Or by some animals, ahem, materials. Tip: Carry a flashlight (#6). Review your surroundings with the flashlight. No flashlight? Check out the ground for hills, glass or otherwise. Put your blanket down (also recommended as noted in #7), and move on!

#7 Bring your flashlight

For obvious reasons you want to see where you're going and it can help prevent any dog poo or ant hill incidents. Think bringing a flashlight is annoying? Keep one in your glove compartment. If you're bike riding, take your front light instead. Easy peasy.

#8 Bring your blanket

This one takes more planning. If you take a blanket, you likely know you'll be making love outside. The ground outside isn't very public-sex-friendly. If you're going to lie down, you should have a blanket to give you some cushion. Bring it at the very least for a barrier between you and the hard ground! Don't have a blanket? Use a jacket, towel or any kind of extra material you have at the moment!

#9 Be time wise

Having sex in public is an activity that shouldn't be prolonged for hours and hours. Why? It increases your chances of getting caught. Keep it under twenty minutes for more popular destinations is a good rule of thumb. In a less crowded area where nearly no one is likely to visit? Tip: Here, you can take up to an hour before we've experienced it to start getting, well, less fun. You could go longer if you came prepared (tent? food? hidden location where nudity is legal?).


This is a post by staff writer Crimson Love. Crimson is our resident fetish expert. If you don't see Crimson out dining with her adoring boyfriend, you'll find her reading books on innovation or finance. Crimson is currently finishing off her Bachelor's, she is passionate about food, photography, music and especially sex--and she's not afraid to talk about it. With everyone! Have story ideas? Get in touch with Crimson at amber@getlusty.com.

Ringkasan ini tidak tersedia. Harap klik di sini untuk melihat postingan.

GetLusty For Couples is looking for writers! Our mission? End boring sex for couples. Not just one kind of couple. All kinds of couples. In all shapes, ages (heavily focused on the 24-50 range), colors, genders and identities. We understand the line of sexuality doesn't stop at heterosexual.

Our writers benefit from our extensive network, social media publicity and much more benefits.

What we share? Passion for amazing relationships

We'll talk about a variety of perspectives on monogamy. Even poly. But at the end of the day, GetLusty believes your relationship can be beautiful between you two. Sex doesn't have to get stale or boring after years of love. Communication doesn't have to erode. If you choose to experiment, that's wonderful! But at the end of the day, we're all here to help you love better.

Not hetero? Write for us!

We support gay and straight couples equally. We believe in marriage equality. We support loving long-term relationships. Are you bi-sexual or gay? We want to hear from you! We're looking especially for writers to represent these perspectives. We'd love to feature specific advice that you've learned along the way. Would you like to hear about sex with disability? We're looking to empower those voices, too!

Apply to write for GetLusty for Couples. Fill the form out below!

With love,
Erica & Tim
co-Founders & Chief Lust Officers

Because 2012 is still lingering in our memory, and it's Jizz January, we wanted to give more ideas around blowjobs. Did we mention we love giving and getting head? Camille Crimson inspires us to give better head. She knows a thing or two about blowjobs. She's been managing SlowMotionBlowjob.com and TheArtofBlowjob.com for some time now and has made some pretty hot films of herself doing just that. Camille advocates oral sex and pleasure. She has given us her top tips on how to give a blowjob and how to even how to respectfully receive a blowjob! Now our blowjob guru is here with 10 places to give and receive a blowjob! Want to spice it up a little? Follow Camille's advice because she knows what she's doing!

* * *

As a huge fan of blowjobs, I give them a lot. They're part of my life and who I am and I want more people to feel free to enjoy that part of themselves as well. But where? Well, I sat down and thought of some great spots to try out the oral arts (and then some!) from right at home to far-reaching destinations. Blowjobs (and cunnilingus too!) are good acts for experimenting with sex in different places because if you get interrupted (and let's hope you don't) you can zip up and play dumb pretty easily. So, let's get going!

#1 In bed 

Let's start with the basics. Blowjobs in bed are pretty great. You can take turns laying down, you can prop yourself up with pillows, you can get under the covers if it's cold. It's also the perfect place to get extremely playful and exploratory.

You can lay your head over the side of the bed while your partner enters your mouth from above for great deep throating, you can try different ways to 69 for wonderful (and comfortable) mutual pleasure and you can move the fun anywhere else in the house.

#2 In the kitchen

When you're cooking something up with your partner, things tend to get pretty flirty. Maybe you spill a little something on yourself and need to take off an article of clothing.

Maybe you taste test something off of their finger and it inspires you to suck on something else. You can get down on your knees, roll around on the floor (and you can check to make sure nothing rolled under the fridge while you're down there) or get him sitting up on the counter to get better access. You can use whatever sexy foods you have on hand to lick off each other. Why not use a little oil to stroke him while you suck him for a silky smooth handjob. Just make sure not to burn anything while your attention is less focused on the cooking.

#3 While taking a bath or shower 

Playful splashing! Sensual soaping up! Feeling all fresh and clean, then getting all fresh and clean again after! Just a few of the great reasons why blowjobs in the bath/shower are lots of fun. A few words of caution: Don't slip! No matter how good it feels, don't lose your grip.

 If you're giving a blowjob on your knees under the shower, be sure to angle your eyes away from the stream so you don't end up with runny mascara stinging your eyes. And if you're in the bath and you want to see how long you can hold your breath, just be realistic about it. You're not Aquaman! As long as you play it safe, this is one of the most erotic ways to enjoy a blowjob.

#4 At a public restroom

Home washroom play can be fun, but there is something very sexy about sneaking away together to have a quickie in a secluded spot while at a bar, restaurant, concert etc. This invariably means the public restroom. If you luck into a place with single stall rooms, occupy it if there's more than one and you'll be assured a nice, leisurely blowjob.

 If you're in a multi-stall room, you'll need to be a lot more quiet and try hiding behind him so that you can't overtly see two sets of feet. A lot of people love this kind of thrill, so go for it!  Just be sure to hurry up if anyone knocks and don't feel too embarrassed when you walk out.

#5 Up against a wall in an alley 

For those of us in big cities, we've all seen a couple giggling and holding hands as they sneak into an alley for… most likely a blowjob. Of course, there's the risk of getting caught, but if you can be discrete and ready to leave at a moment's notice, you can take advantage of urban life by infusing it with your sexuality. Squatting instead of kneeling is a good way to avoid sore knees from the sidewalk and leaning up against a wall is the best way to ensure that you're out of the field of vision. This can feel a little dirty, but only if you want it to. It's a playful way to take sex out into the streets-literally.

#6 Under the table 

This is fun whether you're in public or at home, though this would be a pretty high risk thing to try at a restaurant. Mostly, it's a nice way to always be surprising with the blowjob. You can't be seen, so every change of speed or sensation is totally unexpected. This can be really thrilling. And if you happen to catch a glimpse of each other and lock eyes covertly under the table, there's a real jolt by having that moment of connection. Try this at home and, well, proceed with caution if you try it anywhere else. It's better to covertly tease each other under the table to start.

#7 The great outdoors 

I've been lucky enough to give blowjobs in a stream, in a field, on a beach, and in the forest. There's nothing more lovely than feeling the wind in your hair and seeing the beauty of nature all around you while you enjoy this sensual act. It's pretty easy to find secluded spots in the wilderness and it brings out your animalistic side and all the desires that come along with it. So, next time you're on a road trip, camping or on vacation at a lovely beach, lay down and marvel at the stars or the bright blue sky while savoring a beautiful blowjob.

#8 In a car  

This reminds me of getting out of the house to have a moment of privacy. Parking is an antiquated concept in a way, but it still goes on and you can do it even once you have your own private space, just to spice things up. I'm not advocating road head (drive safe!) but I do think that there's a really sexy feeling that comes with leaning over from one seat to give a really erotic blowjob.

 You can be in the passenger's seat or the driver's seat metaphorically and literally. Just park somewhere low-key and unexpected. No one likes hearing that tap on the window.



#9 On camera 

This isn't really a place, but it is in a way. Giving a blowjob on film is pretty incredible, speaking from personal experience. Being filmed is exhilarating, you end up feeling like you're giving the best blowjob of your life because you're paying extra attention to feeling sexy and then you can watch it again to enjoy how hot it is. If you do want to take it to the next level and to another "place" by putting it on the Internet, just be sure to stay as anonymous as you can unless that's not the point. Hide anything identifiable from view. Then wait for the comments to come rolling in, spurring you on to more passionate blowjob exploration.

#10 From the rooftops

Have you ever wanted to declare your love from the rooftops? Well, you can sort of do that with a blowjob. This is for the real adventurer. If you have access to a fire escape, then you can conceivably climb up a short building for a nice view of the night sky and an unforgettable blowjob experience- if you're up to the challenge.

What's your favorite place to enjoy a blowjob?

Camille Crimson specializes in sexuality, feminism, oral sex, and creating and marketing beautiful porn. Her websites The Art of the Blowjob and Slow Motion Blowjob are full of exquisite photo and video shoots that showcase "the subversive yet natural subject we all love: sex". On top of being a versatile business woman, Camille plays guitar, loves horror movies, and has recently gotten into motorcycles. Follow Camille on Twitter @CamilleCrimson and on Facebook.

Spanking seems like a lost art to many non-kinksters. More than taboo, it seems like it could be painful or malicious. At GetLusty, we're all about educating so you do it right. Spanking can be really enjoyable. It can also provide a different set of sensations during your sex sessions than you normally don't get. Before doing the more kinky activities, we do recommend you read Jean-Luc Gothos Sexual Negotiation 101 and talk about consent. Always, always, always talk about it before you do it! Let each other know you're curious about doing something different. You know--shaking things up a little.

That being said, you heard from our long-time writer Ellen Dukes about whipping and flogging. Now, how about a more rounded out view on erotic spanking? We think this practice is rather sexy, so GetLusty's Rachel Colias is here to report on why and how you can try this erotic foreplay artfully.

* * *

Have your fantasies ever included being disciplined? Do you become aroused by rough, consensual play? Is the idea of being someone’s submissive partner one you enjoy? If you answered yes to any of these questions, or are excited by the scenarios, you may be interested in exploring erotic spanking! The technical term for being aroused by spanking is spankophilia, and you don’t have to be on the receiving end to enjoy it! Spankophilia also includes becoming aroused by delivering a spanking to other parties.

As simple as spanking sounds, those here at GetLusty for Couples are here to explain how complex it can really be. Between different positions, toys, foreplay, costumes and role play, it can get more complicated than you’d think. But if erotic spanking is something you want to try, or if you want to mix up your spanking routine, I’m sure we can offer you a great selection to choose from!

The possibilities for erotic spanking are so extensive that we’ve decided to split the article up into two parts. This first part outlines different positions and toys that are great for spanking.

While many may assume erotic spanking is a more modern kink, there’s evidence that it actually dates back to around the sixth century b.c. The evidence for this being an image found in an Etruscan burial site depicting an eroticized flagellation, or, flogging. This erotic punishment also permeated quite a bit into Victorian culture and, more specifically, pornography. Of course it’s hard to say where and when it truly started, but it’s hardly outdated! Let’s get started on the basics.

Positions 

What better place to start than the how? It’s easy to assume that most positions include a person being in a bent over position, but it doesn’t necessarily have to be that bland. Here are a few tips on different ways to set up the act: (Remember! You can add ankle, wrist, or body restraints to any of these positions!)

#1 The spanker sits in the middle of a long couch,  while the spankee — person being spanked — lays stomach-down across their lap with their ass positioned directly over the spanker’s crotch. If the spanker happens to be male-bodied, this gives the spankee a wonderfully exciting sensation when he/she/they start(s) to become aroused. This is also a pretty comfortable position for the spankee.

#2 The spankee kneels on a couch or chair, facing backwards, bending over with their hands on the back of the furniture. The spanker stands in front of the couch or chair, facing the spankee’s back. This gives the spanker a pretty dominant position considering they’re practically standing over the spankee and is perfect for dominant/submissive play.

#3 The spankee lies stomach-down on the floor, ass either flat or slightly elevated if you want to tuck a pillow under the spankee’s stomach, while the spanker either stands or kneels above them.

#4 A modification to the previous option, the spankee can also lay stomach-down on a bed, table, or any other flat surface that allows for the spanker to stand over them.

#5 Both the spanker and spankee are standing for this one. The spankee leans slightly forward, hands either flat against a wall or holding on to something like a table or door frame. The spanker stands behind or slightly beside the spankee.

#6 Of course, the classic spankee bent over the spanker’s lap. This is different from the first scenario in that it’s generally performed in a chair where the spankee is entirely bent over, not just lying down. Again, if the spanker is male-bodied there’s an added pleasure bonus for the spankee!

#7 The spankee bends over a table, lying stomach-down on its surface, while the spanker stands behind.

#8 The spankee is bent over the shoulder or the arm of the spanker.

#9 Looking for something a little more serious and expensive? Try purchasing a spanking bench! This apparatus comes in quite a few positional styles and can include rings for restraints.

All of the above-mentioned techniques are suggestions that can easily be modified to fit different scenarios or furniture. If you have any personal favorites I haven’t mentioned, leave them in the comments below!

Toys

But what do we do with all these new, fun situations? Here are a few toys, or spanking tools, you can integrate into the process now that you’ve assumed the position:

#1 In honor of #SexToyTuesday, my first suggestion is Chicago’s Early To Bed Jack Boot Paddle (to the right). Be warned, this paddle is not for beginners or light dabblers. This boot-shaped paddle packs a punch! The boot print is made of rubber and the paddle wood, so there is NO give! When you get spanked, you will definitely feel it!

#2 If the serious-business paddles aren’t really your style, why not try the back of a hairbrush? It’s much smaller and while plastic or wood still stings, it’s easier and cheaper to experiment with. Similarly, you can use a wooden spoon.

#3 Another wooden option would be a cane, which comes in all lengths and girths.

#4 Standard paddle (comes in materials such as soft leather, rubber, or wood and can even be found with feathers or a soft material cover for a lighter sensation).

#5 Riding crop, which is long and generally comes with a handle on one end and small, flat spanking surface on the other. These are effective in causing quick, sharp and stinging sensations.

#6 The classic hand. While pretty standard and totally free, there is definitely a variety of techniques that can be used. These include flat hand with fingers spread, cupped hand, hard open palm, an immediate spank-and-grope, and basically anything else you can think of!

#7 Although this isn’t necessarily “spanking,” flogs and whips are also great for delivering a backside-beating.

As always, feel free to comment about your own favorite toys!

When most people think of BDSM relationships they don't imagine happy and fulfilling relationships. Many think about kinky sex and debauchery. The truth is, some couples find beautiful and loving fulfillment in a BDSM relationship. It can teach you the often forgotten fundamentals of being in a relationship. GetLusty writer Crimson Love reports on the five ways BDSM can teach you a thing or two about your own relationship.

* * *

#1 Negotiation and compromise 

In a BDSM relationship, negotiation and compromise is key. If you have hard limits (things you will not do under any circumstance) there is no compromise. However, soft limits can often be negotiated and compromised as well as punishments. In "vanilla" relationships, you can use compromise when it comes to household responsibilities like taking out the garbage. You can even use negotiation for date nights. The best part is you can make negotiation and compromise fun and sexy. If you scratch my back, I'll lick your... But to an extent, BDSM relationships have to use this.

#2  Patience

Patience is important when you are a submissive who is learning or a dominant who is teaching. You must learn the rules and schedules. You have to be patient with your lover during times of turbulence and times of happiness. Be patient when things like chores aren't finished right away. You're love for one another will grow. Of course, as long as you communicate, you'll both be all the better for it.

#3 Discipline 

This is extremely important. A submissive must display disciplined behavior in accordance with their rules and contract. You can't act however you please. The same goes for a dominant. You must have discipline when it comes to the care for your sub. In a vanilla relationship, you have be disciplined as well. You must realize that you can't do whatever you want. You have to always take your partner into consideration.

#4 Trust 

Trust is the biggest part of a BDSM relationship for both parties. As a submissive, you must trust that your dominant will take care of you and not cross your limits. As a dominant, you must trust that your submissive will be faithful and honor your relationship--both publicly and privately. It's not any different in a vanilla relationship. Trust is a two-way street that must be maintained. When you cultivate trust, your relationship is healthier and happier.

#5 Worth 

A healthy BDSM relationship is good for reminding you about your worth. In BDSM relationships, you are reminded of your worth through each others actions, need for each other and praise. The same goes for vanilla relationships. When your lover motivates you and pushes you to do your best, your self-worth improves.

Take a few notes from BDSM relationships. Of course, not every relationship is perfect. But if we all work to make improvements in our own relationships--we can all be better! Because in the end, it's all about the love and happiness between partners.



This is a post by GetLusty writer Crimson Love. Crimson is our resident fetish expert. If you don't see Crimson out dining with her adoring boyfriend, you'll find her reading books on innovation or finance. Crimson is currently finishing off her Bachelor's, she is passionate about food, photography, music and especially sex--and she's not afraid to talk about it. With everyone! Have story ideas? Get in touch with Crimson at amber@getlusty.com.

Who can believe Christmas week is here in full swing?! What better time for holiday-themed happiness than right now? Don't let the romance slip away during these next few months. Instead, rev up your love life this holiday season with these seven sexy and romantic tips that will surely heat you up! Who needs a Snuggie when Sandra Koellmann is here with even sexier ways to heat up your love life? Read on and find out more!

* * *

#1 Holiday lights in the bedroom

Those strands of little lights don’t have to just be for holiday decorating in the family room. Try using some lights in the bedroom! Put them on the headboard and foot board of the bed or wrap them around the bed frame. Try mounting them on the ceiling or stringing them up around the dresser. No matter where you hang them, they will create some romantic mood lighting.

#2 Hide and seek

Generally, we’re either the person who hides the surprise or we’re the person who finds the surprise. Be spontaneous this holiday season! Instead of hiding or seeking gifts, play hide & seek with each other. Here’s how it works: one of you hides in a room of the house where you would like to have sex. Once the other person finds you, they get to pick a sex position they would like to try. One person gets to pick “where” and the other person gets to pick “how”... it’s a win for both of you! Be even more adventurous and try it at night with the lights off.



#4 Picnic by the fireplace

Who says picnics are for summer days at the park? Try bringing that picnic indoors this winter. Take that warm blanket you usually bundle up with when watching TV and throw it down in front of a warm fireplace. If you think dinner by candlelight is romantic, wait until you’ve had dinner by the fireplace! And don’t forget to roast marshmallows for dessert.

#5 Peppermint foot massage

A massage that smells as good as it feels! This gives new meaning to the words “aromatherapy” and “couples massage”. Find a nice foot massage creme that is infused with peppermint oil and lie down on a bed or couch.

Each of your heads will be at opposite ends. Your feet should be facing towards the other person’s head. Massage each others feet at the same time. It’s as simple as that. This is a great way to relax together!

Alternatively, try it while watching your favorite movie or even your home movies! You don't necessarily need to face your partner. You could give each other a massage one at a time. Do you have video or pictures together? You haven't seen those in a while!

#6 Naked ho ho home cooking

This Christmas, surprise your partner by cooking his or her favorite meal. Add a little extra surprise by wearing nothing but a Santa hat and a holiday apron. And make sure you’re wearing a bow under that apron because, at some point, the apron will come off! You can even decorate yourself and the table with mistletoe. And don’t forget to hang some of that mistletoe over the bedroom door and bed!


These activities are a great way to connect with your partner this holiday season. Just be sure to re-connect as often as you can after the New Year. Remember, the couple who plays together, stays together!

We believe that anyone in a committed, loving relationship can benefit from Passion Parties’ products. Our line of love potions, sensual accessories, and adult toys open lines of communication and add an exciting new dimension of pleasure and fun. Simply talking about sex and trying something new often leads to a renewed passion that is both fulfilling and re-energizes your sex life. If you’ve ever thought that passionate monogamy might be an oxymoron, then let us show you how to reconnect with your sexy side.

Speaking of a hot holiday, have you 'Liked' GetLusty on Facebook yet? We're also on Pinterest and Tumblr, as well as Twitter @getlusty. What?! You're on those platforms and aren't in tune with our awesome content? Have amazing sex. Get lusty. 

Sandra Koellmann is a Sexuality Educator in the San Diego, CA area. She earned her B.A. degree in Human Development Counseling Services with an emphasis in Human Sexuality from California State University San Marcos. She is a graduate of the National Sexuality Resource Center Summer Institute at San Francisco State University. Sandra also completed the SAR (Sexual Attitude Restructuring) program at The Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality in San Francisco.

Sandra has worked with the Hope & Wellness Center through Student Health and Counseling Services at CSUSM as an “Ask the Sexperts” lecture presenter. She also worked as a behavioral science teaching assistant at CSUSM helping students develop projects that explored sexual health and sex education. Sandra was also a volunteer with the LGBTQA Pride Center at CSUSM.

Dating, initially it's the relationship version of an audition. You go on dates to see how well your potential partner does in the reality show of life. However, if you have been in a relationship for a while and live together or are married dating is a way of keeping things fresh and interesting. To kick off our three part series on dating, let us present to you part one. Our list of five dating benefits. GetLusty's Crimson Love reports.

* * * 

#1 Keeps things fresh

Even though you have been in a relationship with someone for a while that doesn't mean that you don't need to or shouldn't date. Dating your lover keeps your relationship fresh.

You are both taking time to go out, get dressed up and enjoy being with each other. Doing things outside of your normal routine will add some excitement and give you the chance to fall in love again especially if you get creative!

#2 Exercising compromise 

Compromise is a fundamental aspect of relationships that we often forget. When it comes to planning a date with your love, you exercise your compromising skills often. Going on a date is a give and take that symbolizes many other areas of your romance. While planning can get tough (Honey, why you don't like hip lounges, anymore?) the proof is in the pudding. Come to an agreement on where to go, what to do, and what time and have a fabulous time.

#3 Learn about your love

Dating can also put you in the perfect position to learn more about your lover. Think you know your lover better than anyone else? Go on a date and do something new together and you will learn new things about your lover you never expected.

#4 Bond

It may seem like a no brainer but don't overlook this or take this for granted. Putting yourselves in a new situation like doing a new activity can bring you and your lover closer.

 You are both learning and doing something new and in the experience that you share you bond. Over time it's easy to grow apart and your relationship become stagnant so don't be afraid to take the time to re-bond.  

#5 Get romantic

Just because you have been dating for a while and you have surpassed your honeymoon phase doesn't mean you can't have romance. Romance is a necessity for relationships. Without that you have a friendship. That's not a bad thing but having romance helps you stay engaged with each other. Romance adds fuel to that burning flame you hold with your lover.

Dating in a long term relationship will help you maintain that solid foundation on which your relationship stands on. Make it a regular part of the time you spend with your  lover and it will surly prolong the life of your relationship.

Our favorite sex therapist, Moushumi Ghose (the LA Sex Therapist) really had a great, multiple part question this week. We give her props for answering our readers' very thought provoking question. Read on!

* * *

Dear GetLusty,

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost three years. When we first got together, it was as though we couldn't stop having sex and experimenting and enjoying each other. Over time, I felt more self-conscious about my body, and I've had a lot of stress in my life that I've had to deal with and so sex and anything related to it has become almost non-existent, and when it does happen I feel like I allow little romance, and

I have trouble being comfortable in many positions anymore (he is rather large and since we don't have sex frequently I think I have a lower tolerance for the pressure). But I think that most of that is related to my current state of mind and I am trying to reinforce positive ideals and activities into my life and accept that he is attracted to me even when I feel like a slob.

So after all that background, my biggest question to you is this: I used to be a huge swallower. I loved sucking him off and swallowing when he came because I enjoyed it and it made him feel really good. Now I have trouble even tasting his semen and I have no idea why. I can give him a blowjob and be mostly fine with that. But as soon as I taste him I develop this ridiculously strong gag reflex and have trouble continuing on. I don't believe he tastes any different than he used to, and we eat fairly healthily, so I can't imagine that it is that. I think it has something to do with me (I even get a bad gag reflex when I have too much toothpaste in my mouth too). I used to not be this way, and I am wondering if you have any advice on how to overcome it?

Signed,
Totally changed

Dear Totally Changed,

When reading your question there are so many parts to it, I will try to break it down as best I can for you.

The first thing I hear is that you and your boyfriend were extremely into one another at the beginning of the relationship. You enjoyed sex, and every bit of the sex was hot, passionate and you were always turned on. But, things are quite different now, right?

Well, let me first explain to you a little physiology about love. It has been studied and theorized that the first stage of love can last about 6 months to two years, and this fits quite snugly into your scenario, as this early stage of love and romance is scientifically similar to being high on cocaine.

So, it's no wonder you felt passionate, sexy, hot, you were high on hormones, adrenaline, dopamine and all these natural fabulous chemical running through your blood, veins and brain.

However, after the first stage wears off, generally at the latest 3 years, we are often left to pick up the pieces of the honeymoon phase, and this lends way to the next stage which is attachment phase. Ideally we grow and develop during this final phase of love, growing more comfortable with our partners, feeling more secure, and developing a working sex language that will take us through the rest of our lives. But a lot of times the mess that was created during the honeymoon or lust phase is more than we know how to handle.

The truth of the matter is, that once the high wears off, reality sets in, and quite often it's not what we had bargained for. Did you lose sight of what was important to you during this time? What things did you used to love about your boyfriend, that now are not sitting so well with you. These reality checks can sometimes come crashing down in the form of anger, resentment, and frustration. And, what is worse is that sometimes you may not even realize it. Perhaps you feel disconnected in some ways from your boyfriend?

You mentioned that you "feel like a slob," which suggests you are suffering from some sort of body image issues also. When we don't feel 100% about our bodies, hell no we are not going to feel sexy. Feeling sexy is directly related to feeling attractive, feeling good about our physical nature, bodies, etc.. Where does this body image issue come from? Is it something that is self manifested, or are you receiving messages from somewhere that your body is not good enough? Who? What? Where? Finding out what messages you are contending with and then finding a way to accept your body is going to be key in getting your sexy back.

Lastly, you mentioned the gag reflex, which occurs at other times, not just during sex. From what you have described this more than likely has less to do with his semen and has everything to do with stress, anxiety and fear. The gag reflex can be brought on by panic attacks during stressful situations.
Therefor it sounds like stress, is the culprit in your inability to swallow your boyfriends semen. Seems strange I know, but body image issues in and of itself can be stressful, on top of everything else you are contending with, it sounds like you are carrying a lot of weight on your shoulders.

My suggestion to you would be to do some serious soul searching. You need to find ways to reduce the stress in your life, prioritize what is important to you, and recognize what is causing you panic or anxiety and then get yourself into some therapy either individually or as a couple as soon as possible.

Oh, that loving buzz. Today, we published a post on why he should masturbate. Heavenly Redheads noted that sometimes the man in our life isn't feeling sexy. He can't please us at that moment, but he'd love for us to get off. We women, too, should masturbate. Why? There are so many reasons besides simply having a wonderfully intense orgasm (which is a pretty big plus if you as us!). Check out even more reasons why ladies--you should get down their and please yourself. GetLusty for Couples co-founder and Chief Lust Officer Erica Grigg reports.

* * *

Sometimes ladies think, "Oh, I'm going to wait for my partner to please me." You're waiting for someone else to please you? Why wait when you can do it for yourself and have an amazing time doing it? Self love is one of the best ways to reward yourself. Why? You deserve it. Below are 5 reasons the lady in your life (or indeed--you, ladies) should be encouraged to masturbate.

#1 It feels amazing

Yes, it feels great. And there are so many varieties. You could watch some of our favorite feminist pornographers, reviewing Sex.com (which I lovingly call the Pinterest of porn), read erotic stories, or just fantasize. Pleasuring yourself is one of the best ways to show yourself some love. And with the holiday season with the cheapest gift possible (it's free!)? Masturbation: it's the new black.

#2 Delve into a world of fantasy

Have you ever wondered, "What would really turn me on other than my normal sex routine?" You're not alone. I've been there, too. You have a fantasy and then you fulfill it and aren't sure where else to go from there.

Masturbating can help you define (and re-define) your fantasies. I've often wondered, "What's my fantasy? I have no idea." When you pleasure yourself, you can start thinking about it. All by yourself or together with your lover. Not feeling like playing with yourself in bed all alone? Don't be afraid to grab your laptop for some sexy feminist porn. Afterward, you can tell your lover what you've learned in the process!

#3 Alleviate stress

Have you ever rolled over from an amazing orgasm? All of that tension releases with a sigh, and now your laying there, breathing deeply, melting. A body full of relaxation and calm. It's a no-brainer that orgasms can be used to achieve ultimate relaxation. But did you know there's a stress management plan that includes having orgasms? Yes. You, too, could have less stress? Just cum!

#4 Relieve pain

In pain? How about some pleasure to help heal? Of many of their miraculous powers, orgasms can relieve pain. According to a study by Beverly Whipple, professor emeritus at Rutgers University and a famed sexologist and author, when women masturbated and reached orgasm, “the pain tolerance threshold and pain detection threshold increased significantly by 74.6 percent and 106.7 percent respectively.”

#5 Learn what works best 

Achieving an orgasm yourself teaches you about your vagina. Want to turn yourself on in different ways? You have the best feedback loop, so it just makes sense for you to try out new and tried-and-true techniques on yourself.

Not sure how to pleasure yourself to the point of clitoral orgasm? We highly recommend Lelo vibrators. They're fabulous, USB-chargable and long-lasting.

Pleasuring yourselves doesn't only enhance your individual sex life, ladies. By exploring your own bodies and personal sensuality, you are enhancing your over-all sexuality. This will have a wonderful affect on the sexual relationship you share with your partner, so go play!

Let's get this straight. Sometimes women don't want to have sex. Ladies, I'm sure you've felt this at several points during your relationship. Whether you've had a horrible day, are staying over with friends or family or just don't feel like doin' it. That doesn't mean your significant other has to suffer. As our Chief Lust Officer and co-Founder Erica Grigg says, "I definitely recommend my husband masturbate!" And you should, too. Why? Read on. Erica Grigg reports.

* * *

According to AdamandEve.com, 27% of Americans admit to masturbating once weekly. Seems a little low, no? Well, if you're not sure why you should encourage the man in your life to masturbate, consider these 5 reasons.

#1 Masturbation helps you last longer

If you're as lucky as me, you'll be dealing with this on the other side. Being ready to finish and he's just started. But if you come prematurely, masturbation can be a way to prolong your orgasm and give you and your partner more time for penetration. Of course, it's not just about lasting longer--you can spend more time on foreplay activities like cunnilingus.

According to Men's Health, masturbation trains your man by timing how long it takes you to orgasm, suggests Ava Cadell, Ph.D., founder of LoveologyUniversity.com. If it usually takes two minutes solo, try for three next time. Or count how many strokes you need to get to your happy place. If you’re spurting after 50, shoot for 60. “Most men can double the number of strokes and the time within one month,” Cadell says.

#2 Masturbation relieves stress

Having an orgasm can be an amazing experience, even if your significant other isn't in the mood to partake. After you orgasm, you'll feel ready to take on the world.

#3 Because we all need orgasms

"We are programmed, as best we know, to need orgasms," says Gloria Brame, Ph.D., a clinical sexologist in Athens, Ga. "It's a fundamental aspect of men's health, right up there with brushing your teeth." And the more you know about what satisfies you solo, the more pleasure you get from sex. Again, according to Men's Health.

#4 It reduces risk of prostate cancer

In 2011, the Harvard Medical School announced a finding men everywhere could get excited about. A 2003 Australian study found that men who ejaculated more than five times a week were a third less likely to develop prostate cancer. Regularly flushing your system, so to speak, keeps your semen healthy and prevents the build up of cancer-causing chemicals.

#5 Orgasm has major health benefits

Jennifer Bass, of Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction notes, "The release from orgasm does much to calm people. It helps with sleep, and that is whether we talk about solo sex or sex with a partner," according to Sexploration. There's also an intense feeling of calm and relaxation after orgasm.

If you want to improve the way you masturbate, check out our recommendations for how to have the best male masturbation. As long as your self love sessions don't make your partner feel excluded, and you emphasize it's both about your pleasure and their pleasure, you're in the clear. But don't hide the fact that you're masturbating. If your partner is not happy about your masturbation, have a conversation with them before your next session. Again, communication is an essential to an amazing sexual relationship.

Quite a few men offline and online have asked this question. How can I get my partner to give me head? As usual, we're here to help. We understand asking your partner for a blowjob can be tricky. Most importantly, gentlemen, you don't want to appear to be a selfish lover. So for now, let's review the ways not to get a blowjob. GetLusty writer Crimson Love reports.

* * *

#1 Don't be a selfish lover

If you are not willing to go down on your woman, don't even bother asking for a blowjob. Reciprocation is the best way to receive more love. Give and ye shall receive. Start enjoying cunnilingus. Ensuring that your lady comes first is the key to a great sex life. If she isn't orgasming (and you should know this by asking her, for example), how do you expect she's going to be extremely interested in your pleasure? She's worried about how she's going to be able to orgasm--not you! Not to worry, gents. We'll have more on selfish loving soon! And plenty of cunnilingus tips, too. Suffice to say, your goal should be her pleasure!

#2 Give positive feedback

As ladies, we don't enjoy hearing how horrible we are at giving head. Besides, how is that supposed to give me enthusiasm about going down on you? Don't tell her she should blow you because she needs the practice. That might get you a punch in the balls rather than get her to suck them. Instead, try telling her how much you enjoy feeling her mouth on your throbbing penis. That they've been waiting for her wonderful mouth. Tell her she makes you feel so amazing after you know she's been pleasured.


#3 Realize it's a privilege

Receiving head is a privilege. Not a right. So when you demand a blowjob as an expectation because, "that's what women do," you're very wrong. Be positive, and don't be demanding. When I say this, I mean don't act entitled like it's her life's mission to blow you all the time. Be patient. If you think that a blowjob should happen everyday--please tell your partner. Talk to her about it. Unless she's absolutely in love with giving you head, she should be aware of your issue.

#4 Don't compare your lady

If your lady isn't in the mood to give you a blowjob, don't compare her to your ex or an old fling. If you think it will inspire some sort of competition and make her want to do it, you're wrong. It won't and may likely do the opposite. Trying to trump up competition isn't a loving thing to do. Instead, try telling her how amazing it was the last time she did provide you that amazing pleasure of giving you an amazing blowjob. She's amazing! No one can please you like she can. That will get you much closer to getting a blowjob in the future.

#5 Don't coerce

Don't just force her head down there. I am pretty sure that if you do, you won't find her down there again any time soon. We women don't want to feel force or coercion. Why? Well, it provides negative associations moving forward. If she's experienced trauma in the past, you may be heading down a road of therapy--or even just long conversations about boundaries. Be nice and you will receive nice actions back.

#6 Don't get mad

If she refuses after your efforts just let it go and don't get mad. Instead try to figure out why she said no.  Be empathetic. There is likely a good reason why your lady isn't feeling in the mood to go down on you. Maybe she has a negative association. Could you imagine being in her position? If she got mad at you for not going down on her? It'd feel pretty bad.

Keep sex amazing, gents! Be patient, nice and understanding. We'll respond with love and amazing head. If not now--soon!
This is a guest post by our very own Crimson Love.
Crimson is our resident BDSM fetish expert. If you don't see Crimson out dining with her adoring boyfriend, you'll find her reading books on innovation or finance. Crimson is currently finishing off her Bachelor's, she is passionate about food, photography, music and especially sex--and she's not afraid to talk about it. With everyone!

Have story ideas? Get in touch with Crimson Love at amber@getlusty.com.

Sex in the shower is sort of like pizza in bed. A great idea that inevitably leads to disaster. Issues like space, how to position one's body, how to avoid broken appendages. It becomes too much to bear and the idea gets abandoned. But there has to be a way to have your pizza and eat it too and our researchers are working around the clock to find a way. In a series with long time friends and sex advisors Eli and Josie, they talk about how to maximize the pleasures of shower sex as well as instructions on what positions best fit what ever type of shower you may have.

* * *

Dear Sexes: Is there a trick I’m missing with shower sex? I mean, it’s WAY hot, but it seems like my only options are (1) in a corner getting leg cramps, or (2) on my knees, which hurts like hell on my knee caps with the tough plastic that the shower is made of. Is this a “try it 'til you figure it out” thing, or a mythical movie type of sex?


However, there are ways to maximize the shower-sex pleasure. One key tool for great shower sex is a set of extra-cushy washcloths. For doggie-style, fold each washcloth in half and put them under your knees. If someone’s sitting on the floor of the shower, a washcloth under the bum can help a lot, too. The washcloths are also crucial for the knees of whomever is the giver of oral sex in the shower. A fun way to have sex in the shower, if you have the room, is to lie down on your back and put your partner on top. Then she can arch her back into the spray of water and you both have easy clitoral access.

Sometimes shower sex is best left short and sweet by making it a quickie or by starting the interlude in the shower, to be continued elsewhere. Try to draw out the foreplay as long as possible (but keep in mind, we’re in a water drought!) by soaping each other up, sliding slippery fingers across each other’s bodies, using the hand-held shower head on each other’s favorite spots, and giving oral sex. Then, just as you’re feeling like you’re about to die if you don’t complete the act, wrap up in towels (don’t worry about drying all the way off, stay wet!) and move to the bed. You’ll be clawing at each other from all the lead-up and you can utilize all the best in-bed positions.

He Said: Agreed! Shower sex is hot! It’s always fun to clean up and get dirty at the same time. Of course, the amount of positions you can try out is somewhat dependent on the type of shower you have. If you have a small, stand-up shower (no bath), your space is probably limited. However, you can actually use the lack of space to your benefit. Position yourself or your mate against the shower walls for extra good pushing/friction. The tiny confines also make for a good opportunity to get a leg high up in the air (resting against a wall, while your hands, or your mate, keep you upright, steadying against an opposite wall).

If you have a full shower (with bath), you really have no excuse NOT to explore all possibilities. You’ve got the room, so you’re as free as your imagination allows. And if you have sensitive knee caps, don’t be afraid to squat it out. Also, don’t forget to use plenty of lube as need be. The water actually detracts from the body’s natural lubrication. And please, no falling! We don’t want any slips causing death by shower sex.

If you want a good laugh, read what people have to say about shower sex over on Yahoo! Aren’t you glad you asked us instead?

Reprinted with permission from from The Good Men Project. Cross post from She Said He Said.

Josie is a writer living in Los Angeles. Though she has a tight circle of female friends, she's always bee a guy's gal. This advice column came about because her best girls kept begging her to ask her guy friends for sex and dating advice on their behalf. She realized that the advice they offered was honest and direct-and completely different than the advice women offered each other.

Eli is an indie-rock musician living in New York City. He loves his football and hockey as much as the next red-blooded male. But when it comes to relationships and love, he's really a true romantic. His friends (female and male) are always asking him for his dating/relationship advice due to his genuine caring, perceptiveness, and honesty. He always calls it like sees it, and usually sees it very well.