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Here at GetLusty for Couples, we like to be positive influence on your relationships and sex life, but we're also into the whole "green" movement. What do sex and the environment have to do with each other? Well, if you use condoms, lubricant, or sex toys – then they have a lot to do with each other. The production of these kinds of items can be harsh on Mother Earth. Our Chief Lust Officer, Erica Grigg, talked with Stefanie Iris Weiss, of EcoSex.net, about "green" sex. Also, check out her Eco Sex book on Amazon!

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#1 What are the basics of Eco-Sex?

Eco-Sex is a new way of raising consciousness about sexuality and its connection with the planet we share. In a world where we tend have more intimacy with our smartphones than our partners, the reminder to slow down and reengage with our sensual selves is mandatory. Eco-Sex teaches us that our bodies are sacred, and thus, we should not poison them. In both courtship and beyond, the do-it-yourself (DIY) tools, products, therapies in the Eco-Sex arena are safe, healthy, and good for the planet as well as our bodies. Raising our consciousness can raise our libido, and that's the happy end result of engaging in Eco-Sex.

#2 What got you into Eco-Sex advocacy?

In 2008 I started to realize that even my "greenest" friends were eco-conscious in every way, but not in their sex lives. I'd ask about lube, birth control and sex toys, and they hadn't even thought about what was in them. I realized that because we think of sexuality as something separate from ourselves, these needs were buried, hidden and obscured. It was embarrassing, even for my most progressive friends. I decided I needed to write a book to address that -- to bring two of my favorite topics, sex and sustainability, into the same space. That's how Eco-Sex: Go Green Between the Sheets and Make Your Love Life Sustainable (Crown Publishing/Ten Speed Press, 2010) came to be.

#3 What are your favorite sexy, "green" toys?

I'm obsessed with the mind-blowingly brilliant (and body-safe) toys from Jimmy Jane. All of their toys are gorgeous and free of toxins, and designed in-house by Ethan Imboden -- the man knows what he's doing. I've also been liking the offerings from Lelo lately.

#4 How are you spreading the word about Eco-sex?

I do workshops, talks, radio interviews, blogs and Tweet (I'm a pretty prolific tweeter). I write for Huffington Post (lately, political writing about the war on women and reproductive rights). I can be found online at ecosex.net, and my Twitter handle is @ecosexuality.

#5 For those looking to go "green", what adult retailers do you advocate for?

Big love to Babeland in NYC (and Seattle), Good Vibrations in San Francisco, and Smitten Kitten in the Midwest. Also the ever-lovely (and beautifully dirty) girls of Coco De Mer across the pond.

#7 Does only using eco-friendly products limit how much fun couples can have in the bedroom?

Absolutely not! That's the most beautiful benefit of Eco-Sex – it improves your sex life, heightens your libido, and can bring the spark back to couples whose bedrooms have become bastions of boredom. There's nothing like making organic massage oil together, experimenting with the wonders of coconut oil, tantra, etc.. Use your imagination.

#8 Besides being good to our mother earth, does eco sex have any benefits to our sexual or physical health?

Yes, it just makes you healthier. A big piece of Eco-Sex, and a chapter in the book, is dedicated to healthy eating. Vegan, raw, and sustainable aphrodisiacs bring a whole new dimension to one's sex life, but also helps you avoid obesity, diabetes, heart attacks, etc.. More energy is good for everything in life – not just sex.

More about Stefanie

Stefanie Iris Weiss, MA, is the author of nine books, including her latest title–Eco-Sex: Go Green Between the Sheets and Make Your Love Life Sustainable (Crown Publishing/Ten Speed Press, 2010). Based in NYC, she writes about feminism, sexuality, reproductive rights, sustainability, dating and relationships, and more. Stefanie is a regular contributor to British Elle, and has written for Nerve.com, The Daily Green, Marie Claire, Zink Magazine, and Teen Vogue, to name a few. Her new sex & sustainability column, Above the Sheets, debuted in ABOVE Magazine last fall. Her website is ecosex.net.

Stefanie holds a Master of Arts in English Education from New York University. Since 1998, she has been an adjunct professor in New York City (at Hunter College and Marymount Manhattan College). Stefanie leads writing workshops for both teens and adults. In 2008 she was a mentor for Girls Write Now, an organization that connects professional women writers to teenagers seeking mentorship in writing. Find her on Twitter and subscribe to her on Facebook.

Spanking seems like a lost art to many non-kinksters. More than taboo, it seems like it could be painful or malicious. At GetLusty, we're all about educating so you do it right. Spanking can be really enjoyable. It can also provide a different set of sensations during your sex sessions than you normally don't get. Before doing the more kinky activities, we do recommend you read Jean-Luc Gothos Sexual Negotiation 101 and talk about consent. Always, always, always talk about it before you do it! Let each other know you're curious about doing something different. You know--shaking things up a little.

That being said, you heard from our long-time writer Ellen Dukes about whipping and flogging. Now, how about a more rounded out view on erotic spanking? We think this practice is rather sexy, so GetLusty's Rachel Colias is here to report on why and how you can try this erotic foreplay artfully.

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Have your fantasies ever included being disciplined? Do you become aroused by rough, consensual play? Is the idea of being someone’s submissive partner one you enjoy? If you answered yes to any of these questions, or are excited by the scenarios, you may be interested in exploring erotic spanking! The technical term for being aroused by spanking is spankophilia, and you don’t have to be on the receiving end to enjoy it! Spankophilia also includes becoming aroused by delivering a spanking to other parties.

As simple as spanking sounds, those here at GetLusty for Couples are here to explain how complex it can really be. Between different positions, toys, foreplay, costumes and role play, it can get more complicated than you’d think. But if erotic spanking is something you want to try, or if you want to mix up your spanking routine, I’m sure we can offer you a great selection to choose from!

The possibilities for erotic spanking are so extensive that we’ve decided to split the article up into two parts. This first part outlines different positions and toys that are great for spanking.

While many may assume erotic spanking is a more modern kink, there’s evidence that it actually dates back to around the sixth century b.c. The evidence for this being an image found in an Etruscan burial site depicting an eroticized flagellation, or, flogging. This erotic punishment also permeated quite a bit into Victorian culture and, more specifically, pornography. Of course it’s hard to say where and when it truly started, but it’s hardly outdated! Let’s get started on the basics.

Positions 

What better place to start than the how? It’s easy to assume that most positions include a person being in a bent over position, but it doesn’t necessarily have to be that bland. Here are a few tips on different ways to set up the act: (Remember! You can add ankle, wrist, or body restraints to any of these positions!)

#1 The spanker sits in the middle of a long couch,  while the spankee — person being spanked — lays stomach-down across their lap with their ass positioned directly over the spanker’s crotch. If the spanker happens to be male-bodied, this gives the spankee a wonderfully exciting sensation when he/she/they start(s) to become aroused. This is also a pretty comfortable position for the spankee.

#2 The spankee kneels on a couch or chair, facing backwards, bending over with their hands on the back of the furniture. The spanker stands in front of the couch or chair, facing the spankee’s back. This gives the spanker a pretty dominant position considering they’re practically standing over the spankee and is perfect for dominant/submissive play.

#3 The spankee lies stomach-down on the floor, ass either flat or slightly elevated if you want to tuck a pillow under the spankee’s stomach, while the spanker either stands or kneels above them.

#4 A modification to the previous option, the spankee can also lay stomach-down on a bed, table, or any other flat surface that allows for the spanker to stand over them.

#5 Both the spanker and spankee are standing for this one. The spankee leans slightly forward, hands either flat against a wall or holding on to something like a table or door frame. The spanker stands behind or slightly beside the spankee.

#6 Of course, the classic spankee bent over the spanker’s lap. This is different from the first scenario in that it’s generally performed in a chair where the spankee is entirely bent over, not just lying down. Again, if the spanker is male-bodied there’s an added pleasure bonus for the spankee!

#7 The spankee bends over a table, lying stomach-down on its surface, while the spanker stands behind.

#8 The spankee is bent over the shoulder or the arm of the spanker.

#9 Looking for something a little more serious and expensive? Try purchasing a spanking bench! This apparatus comes in quite a few positional styles and can include rings for restraints.

All of the above-mentioned techniques are suggestions that can easily be modified to fit different scenarios or furniture. If you have any personal favorites I haven’t mentioned, leave them in the comments below!

Toys

But what do we do with all these new, fun situations? Here are a few toys, or spanking tools, you can integrate into the process now that you’ve assumed the position:

#1 In honor of #SexToyTuesday, my first suggestion is Chicago’s Early To Bed Jack Boot Paddle (to the right). Be warned, this paddle is not for beginners or light dabblers. This boot-shaped paddle packs a punch! The boot print is made of rubber and the paddle wood, so there is NO give! When you get spanked, you will definitely feel it!

#2 If the serious-business paddles aren’t really your style, why not try the back of a hairbrush? It’s much smaller and while plastic or wood still stings, it’s easier and cheaper to experiment with. Similarly, you can use a wooden spoon.

#3 Another wooden option would be a cane, which comes in all lengths and girths.

#4 Standard paddle (comes in materials such as soft leather, rubber, or wood and can even be found with feathers or a soft material cover for a lighter sensation).

#5 Riding crop, which is long and generally comes with a handle on one end and small, flat spanking surface on the other. These are effective in causing quick, sharp and stinging sensations.

#6 The classic hand. While pretty standard and totally free, there is definitely a variety of techniques that can be used. These include flat hand with fingers spread, cupped hand, hard open palm, an immediate spank-and-grope, and basically anything else you can think of!

#7 Although this isn’t necessarily “spanking,” flogs and whips are also great for delivering a backside-beating.

As always, feel free to comment about your own favorite toys!

Most of us have one, or maybe two. Generally they are tucked away in a drawer, or the closet, usually in the original packaging. When we use it, it is often when we are alone, or discretely after the night is over and he has fallen asleep. It does its job; we clean it, and then put it away again. Our husbands know we have it, they just don’t ask. What they don’t see, they don’t have to confront.

What's wrong with a sex toy, anyway?

What is the issue with a vibrator? Some husbands don’t have an issue. They eagerly join in the fun by watching or using it on their wife. There is an open dialogue about toys and may even enjoy purchasing them for her use, or even their own. While this is terrific, it doesn’t always happen. Or it doesn’t happen without a conversation – sometimes an uncomfortable one.

See, for all their bravado men can be pretty insecure. This is where "the wall" comes up regarding toys. Let’s face it, toys don’t get tired. Toys can vibrate faster, are more direct than a human finger, and have more force than the tongue. They don’t change the rhythm because of a cramp, nor do they interrupt the moment to ask you if it feels good. All-in-all, toys are pretty freakin’ awesome. They would be even more awesome if your hubby was involved.

So, how do you approach the subject without running right into that wall? Answer: Gently.

#1 Assure him

Your husband knows the benefit of mechanics, he’s a guy! But the last thing he wants is to be replaced by a machine. He won’t admit it but that's what he's thinking when he hears the word “vibrator”.  What you need to say to him is, “Honey, my Nea is terrific but it would be even better if you would use it on me. Please?” And while he may look like a deer in headlights, that is the moment you show him what it is and better yet, show him how it works.

#2 Start small

Getting your husband into using toys on you may be easier if you start out slow, and small. Bullets, mini massagers, finger tinglers – all are small and powerful. There is nothing intimidating about them and you can buy them in pink for Pete’s sake. Once he sees this tiny device, he may feel more comfortable with the whole idea. Show them how to turn it on, adjust speeds and vibrations. The guy in him will kick in and want to figure out how it works, and how it works best. Show him where to position it, if you even have to. Chances are he will want to see for himself. If he is moving about too much or changing speeds too often, gently show him where it feels best. Move his hand, or tilt your hips to help him out, just as you did the first time he went down on you. He'll get it.

#3 Move up when you're both ready

If you happen to have something larger and more complex like a studded, flexible dildo or a Triple Rabbit, you may want to hold off on showing him those if you think he may be uncomfortable. Get him used to the idea of something inside of you besides him by purchasing a dildo, and using it in conjunction with a small vibrator. Buy something made of glass or acrylic so it doesn’t appear too real or intimidating. You can even get a dildo with a removable vibrator for when you want to take him to the next level.

Just as you would want to be treated with respect and understanding if he wanted to do something new in the bedroom that you might not be comfortable with, go into this conversation with the same loving respect for his feelings. Many men are creatures of habit. They'll wonder if they are “enough” if you enjoy using toys to compliment your sexual session.

#4 Engage him

Let your partner know it is them you are in love with, not your Rabbit. Try not to play the, you-masturbate-too-card because he will say he doesn’t use an artificial vagina and then the conversation will just go downhill. Rather, if more explanation is necessary compare it to another position for you two to enjoy. Let him know it turns you on when he watches you enjoy yourself. It is probably turning him on too, he just has to get used to it.

But once he does; congratulations! You will be able to throw away the box it came in, and use that cute little satin bag. Finally!

Have you ever traveled with your sex toys and carried them aboard an airplane? With tightened airport security, more and more people are getting pulled out of line and searched. But should this restrict your vacation of sexual adventures? Eric Amaranth, sex coach extraordinaire, believes in adding novelty in your bedroom or hotel room. Eric is here with a humorous tale about his travel misadventures with his sex toys!

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My girlfriend and I went to a wedding this past weekend and decided to bring four of our favorite sex toys with us. Two were vibrators shaped innocuously, one was a dildo with an obvious phallic shape, and the fourth was a glass design that defies brief description. Which is why it’s pictured at right. Read on for the humor and adventure.

We left from Newark International Airport, then made our way through security manned and womaned, as always, by the intrepid TSA officers. All the toys were packed in my luggage. The officer at the viewing screen stopped the line and brought other officers over to get their opinions. I watched with a straight face while my girlfriend giggled quietly after having made it through their scrutiny. Suddenly the principle viewing agent said words to the effect of, “I don’t believe this. Bag check!”

I smiled inside, but kept a disinterested look on my face. They asked me whose bag it was and I raised my hand. They first ran the diagnostic wipes over the handles and inside surfaces, then fed them into a machine. Nothing went off. Next step was the visual exam.

The male officer rifled through my clothes. The toys were at the bottom of the suitcase. He stopped and stared for half a second, then put my things back on top and gestured with his thumb that I could be on my way. My girlfriend was laughing harder by the time I joined her, but quietly. Oh yes, the officer had gloves on throughout the check.

The second run-in was in the return at a southern city’s small airport. Once again, I took the toys in my bag. Said bag went through the x-ray machine and again, the line was stopped. A middle aged woman with vintage spectacles peered at the screen for much a few seconds, I’d estimate four. She didn’t call for viewing assistance, but did request a bag check and said out loud to the officer snapping on nitrile gloves, “It looks like an art piece!”

My girlfriend had once again already made it through and I looked over at her with her hand on her mouth covering up the giggles. The TSA guy ID’ed me as the owner of the bag and did the wipe down, as before, then asked me where the object was that they were concerned about.

I figured it was the glass toy, because the other three would not lend themselves to an art piece characterization. The phallus… the most obvious attention-grabber, never entered the discussion. The agent brought out the figure as seen above, reached over for a collection pan that you’d put jewelry and loose change in, then walked off with my art piece. They asked me what it was. I said art piece, which is technically true.

I heard my girlfriend choking back her guffaws. She’d lost it. I kept my poker face on and waited. They brought it back after a minute, I took it, and they said I was free to travel. Put it back in, got my things, put my belt and shoes back on, and joined my girlfriend.

She laughed about that for the next three minutes. I smiled big and wondered why they were afraid of my toy and realized the spiral going up the “shaft” may have looked like a wire. Anyway, the moral of the story is to keep a straight face, know you have a right to your hot sex toys in your bag, and enjoy the trip because many people’s best sex is on vacations due to the privacy and change of scenery.

Cross posted with permission from Eric Amaranth's blog here.

Eric Amaranth is a sex life coach, working in NYC and globally via video conference, who specializes in women’s and men’s sexuality, basic to advanced sex skills, and high-end sex education. Individuals and couples are guided toward the relationship, intimacy, and sexual enjoyment goals they desire most.

Amaranth believes that for the majority of people, appreciation of ourselves and our romantic partners is one of the best sustainable resources we have to continuously renew attraction, maintain respect, and stay in love with our partners. This bedrock of deep appreciation is founded and reinforced by the combination of loving relationship skills with breathtaking sexual skills. Follow him on Twitter @Eric_Amaranth.