3 Ways to Use Sacred Sex for Healing

Let's face it, lusty readers, our country was founded by puritans. Even today, sexuality is looked at by most with a negative stigma. Many couples are burdened with boring sex because we believe sexuality is just plan bad. It doesn't have to be that way. As our friend Devi Ward has noted before, sexual shame can happen to everyone. Whether you've dealt with big or small stressers to your sexuality, sexual healing isn't just for Marvin Gaye. Sacred Sexuality Experts and Teachers Drs. Janelle and Rob Alex sheds some light on Sacred Sex, and it's healing potential.

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American culture has a fairly negative attitude around sex in general. There is also a great chasm between sex and spirituality. Many believe it is a dirty and sinful act. What is the expression – “sins of the flesh”? Therefore, we are often told not to have sex unless we are married and even then there are those who believe it should be done hurriedly just to get it over with or maybe only done with the goal being to procreate.

Sex is a time when we are most vulnerable – physically and emotionally. Yet, it is also a time that we can become most open spiritually. You can pierce the veil between the Earthly plane and the spiritual dimensions when you transform the physical act of sex into a sacred lovemaking experience. In fact, you can heal emotionally, sexually, energetically and physically.

Sadly, there are a vast number of men and women who have experienced sexual abuse in one form or another. These experiences include things such as childhood molestation, sexual harassment, sexual assault and rape. There can also be great consequences for individuals due to the negative attitude and/or the way sex is used to encourage potential consumers to purchase products from cars to shoes.

Is it really possible to move past the stigma that has been placed around sex and transform it into a sacred and healing experience for yourself and within your relationship? The short answer is yes. Below you will discover three ways to help you start the healing process by experiencing sacred sex.

Expectations

The first thing you need to do is to understand what sex and lovemaking means to you. What are your expectations? What are your wants? Your desires? What emotions do you have around the act of sex and lovemaking? Have you had any negative sexual experiences? Were they traumatic for you or someone close to you? Do you feel there is more to sex than you have experienced to this point? Do you initiate sex with your partner? Do you believe it is okay for you to experience pleasure? Do you think you deserve it? Is your partner’s pleasure your responsibility? Should you be satisfied with your sex life? Is it okay for you to want to experience new things and be adventuresome?

The cells in your body have consciousness and therefore, when you experience things those memories and that knowledge can get stuck within the body. These are called holding patterns. They are not necessarily stored in places you might expect. It is possible for these memories to be stored in your right calf, your left wrist, or simply wherever your body chooses to hold on to it. These holding patterns can block the natural and easy flow of energy within your body and they have an impact on your expectations.

Right now, as you are reading this, stop and become aware of your body. Do you feel tightness in your shoulders, nervousness in your stomach, or a cramp in your foot? How are you breathing? Is it different than normal? What you feel may be totally different from these suggestions – just make note. Do not judge yourself. Simply become aware. Truly becoming conscious of your body and how it feels and reacts is the first step to moving towards healing. Your body will offer you great insight if you are willing to pay attention and listen.

Now, take out a notebook and go back through the handful of questions mentioned above in regards to your expectations around sex. Allow yourself to write freely – no matter what comes to you write it down. As you are doing this take time to stop periodically and notice your body again. Are there changes? Write down how your body feels as you move through this exercise.

If you are in a relationship, it is vitally important to uncover what his/her expectations are as well. Do not pressure your partner, but it can be very helpful to you, both, if he/she is willing to join you on this healing journey. It is also important to consider what you believe your partner’s expectations are as well as what you believe your lover expects or wants from you.

*If you uncover things that you do not feel capable of handling, seek a counselor who specializes in sex therapy and/or transpersonal psychology.

Solo healing

Once you have a better understanding of your expectations you can begin to move forward with solo healing. Depending on your individual needs you may be ready to touch yourself sensually and explore your body with your hands. Yet, it is perfectly okay to not be ready for this. Either way, begin to pamper yourself and your body.

Eat healthy, exercise, get a fresh haircut (or an entire new hair makeover), wear clothes that make you look and feel good, etc. Anything you can do for yourself that makes you feel cared for, pampered, and loved is something you should do. You can even court yourself or date yourself. Take you to see a movie, eat a nice meal, visit the zoo or an art museum, or relax in a bubble bath with a good book. Get to know you again before you move into touching yourself in a sexual way.

When you feel ready, schedule some time when you will feel safe and secure without interruptions. Begin to explore your body with your hands. You may also stand or sit in front of the mirror as you allow your eyes to roam over you. This is a non-judgmental experience. As you look and feel your body, honor it, appreciate it, and thank it for working hard as a vehicle for your soul to use to move through the journey of life.

The more connected you are to your body and the more accepting you are of it the more likely you will be able to fully move into this sacred sexual healing.

Shared life force energy healing

Sex and lovemaking with your beloved partner are really a blending of your souls and an exchange of your life force energy. Transform physical sex into sacred sex with your beloved by agreeing to enter into a lovemaking session without having the goal be orgasm or climax. This removes any potential pressure and allows both of you to expand your conscious awareness of each other. It allows you to open your heart and your soul as you move towards the gateway to Divine access.

Take turns focusing on one another’s bodies. Become fully aware of your lover’s reactions and responses. What makes him/her uncomfortable? What brings him/her pleasure? Remember this does not need to be sexual pleasure, but instead physical pleasure that allows your sweetheart to relax into the moment and connect with the life force energy with his/her soul as well as with yours.

Adjusting your breathing can also offer you amazing opportunities to relax and connect with Spirit. See a previous post we shared on 7 Ways to Use Breathing to Improve Sex.

As you become more fully present and relax, your sexual energy, which is the life force energy we mentioned, will begin to flow more easily through your body. With the flow of this energy you may begin to help some of your holding patterns break free. This can help you release guilt, fear, shame and self-judgment.

Healing is not a snap of your fingers and it magically happens sort of thing. It takes time. Therefore, when you begin to gain awareness of your expectations be certain that you do not expect one or two sessions of sacred sex to suddenly heal your wounds. With awareness, understanding, appreciation, and love for yourself and your lover you can start the healing process via your spiritual lovemaking.

Dr. Janelle Alex, Ph.D. and Rob Alex, M.Sc. are writers, counselors as well as Sacred and Sensual Teachers. They recently completed an eBook called "Sexy Challenges: Sacred and Sensual Experiences for Lovers" which is on sale at Amazon! Learn more about them at Inward Oasis. Follow them on Twitter @sexychallenges and Facebook.