Couples! 5 Steps to Hotter Pillow Talk

Post-Christmas dinner, you may be thinking sex is out of the question. Not true! This is the perfect time to relax and have amazing marathon sex. And what better time to bring out your erotic talking skills? As we've podcasted about before, talking dirty is a wonderful skill to use in your bedroom! Thankfully, we've got even more insight from Sexologist Dr. Carlen Costa on getting started with this useful foreplay skill.

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When was the last time you had one of those sex sessions that was just so good you had to lock it in the spank bank? Memorable sexcapades can sometimes be few and far between which is why knowing how to get the most out of it and leave a lasting impression can be a challenge. Here’s a little tip: try sprinkling in a touch of dirty talk!

For some people, spicing it up with a little dirty talk has the ability to amp up an already seriously piquant sex-perience. Whether you’re handling your hook up or heavy petting with your partner, if you can find the confidence to either whisper something naughty in their ear or growl a little some kind of sexy-wonderful you are going to definitely get your pleasure pal’s attention.

Are you feeling confused and turned on all at the same time right now? Let me help you clear that up so you can get to practicing your dirty words in a less techno sex kind of way. Take a look at my 5 key tips to how to get down & get dirty talkin’.

#1 Know your dirty talk style


The reason why dirty talk is hot is because it’s already something different that you add to your sex play. The element of surprise is essentially already on your side. If you’re new to the dirty talk world, start simple. Dirty talk isn’t about being grimy. It can be naughty, saucy, spicy, and mild between the degrees of hard vs. soft styles.

Some of us are seasoned lovers and have our sexy toolboxes ready for any occasion, while some of us would just rather not. By using language that is at your comfort level you can ease into practicing your skills. Mastering dirty talk is like knowing that you don’t jump into the pool, you put your toe in first. By showing off that you know the 7 dirtiest words to not say on TV in the first few minutes of your encounter, you can come across as fake and demeaning thereby, killing the mood. Just be you and know your limitations.

#2 It’s not what you say; it’s how you say it


Whether you’re with a one night hook-up or your perma bed buddy, introducing dirty talk to your own sex files can be intimidating. With one night stands, it may be perceived that you have less to lose (other than your dignity). Some of my male friends informed me that a lot of “younger guys” get in there and do their thing and forget about what the other person wants.

They jump in for a show rather than an experience. Don’t get me wrong, everyone likes to mix it up and have a good time, but whether you’re feeling over confident or not at all, when it comes to dirty talk it’s all in the delivery. The tone of your voice, the speed of your words and your overall confidence can make all the difference. Sex can be weird, uncomfortable and awkward at times, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Showing that you can be real or really seductive is all in the delivery.

#3 No need to start off on the deep end


Great sex artists are masters of every sexy aspect from fashion to fellatio. But that doesn’t mean that you have to be. If dirty talk just doesn’t feel natural, don’t sweat it! Here’s the thing. As we grow, so do our desires. We evolve and crave change.

Being able to change it up in the bedroom is what keeps many of us feeling alive. But there’s no need to feel like you’re bringing a knife to a gun fight. The best way to impress someone between the sheets is just by being you and having a great time. If you’re lucky enough to get hot and heavy with a special someone I would focus more on providing them with ultimate physical pleasure than not-quite-thought-out dirty talk. Knowing you and your partners limits can ease any pressure from preconceived expectations. It’s all about having a great time with the other person and feeling pleasure… really, it’s that simple.

#4 Start small and work your way up

People often think that dirty talk has to be downright filthy to make an impression. Fortunately, it is au contraire. The moment feels right, things are getting hot and both of you are thrilled in embrace. If you’re feeling an urge to say something, then say what feels natural. Not what you saw in a porno, unless it legitimately turns you on. This isn’t an episode of “sexing with the stars,” and America is not voting based on your saucy talk skills.

Trying to be extreme just for the sake of it instead of sex playing based on the actual mood can kill the whole experience. If you want to amp it up a bit start with the small steps and see how your partner reacts. Try talking to them first and be sure to start where your comfort level is at or else it comes off as trying too hard (or too intense). It’s about being in sync with your partner and discovering the elements to elevating your sexual capacity together. Trying new things can be really fun, no matter who you’re playing with; just be sure you’re being real and not putting on a late night special.

#5 The pre-game: dirty talking in a digital age

Let’s face it. Social media and smart phones are the new norms of today. This means our methods of communication have expanded leaving quite a bit of room for our naughty natures to come to full bloom. Sexting, which is sending explicit messages to someone through a device such as a cell phone or online, is increasing in prevalence.

Sexting can also be used as a part of foreplay to ignite feelings of anticipation and raise the heat levels! Just remember to sext responsibly. Just because you can’t see the person doesn’t give you free reign to go to nasty town and lay out all your pervy desires. Be respectful of the person you’re talking to and recognize the limits. Remembering that once it’s out there texts, personal messages, instant messages or otherwise are digital and may come back to haunt you in the future… including those pics of your tasty bits. So be smart about how and to whom you’re exercising your digital love.

Cross posted with permission from Dr. Carlen's Sexy Living Tumblr.

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Dr. Carlen Costa is pretty awesome. A resident of London, Ontario in Canada, she's making waves in London and beyond.

As a Sexologist, "Sexy Living with Dr. Carlen" is the creation of a safe space in order to discuss concerns, desires or general questions in regards to your relationship with your partner, yourself, and others. Send me questions, send me your thoughts! Through this we will cater to all orientations, genders and age groups. We are all Sexy beings, and should feel as such in our own skins. Find Dr. Carlen on Twitter @DrCarlen and 'Like' her Facebook page.