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Are you ready for some intense Tantric sex? So are we, but first thing's first. If you're going to start learning about Tantra, you'll need to know how to condition your mind. Tantric sex is about finding a oneness with your lover, and the universe. This isn't something you can just jump into. You must make your two souls one, and learn to communicate on a level beyond human language. Still game? Alright then! Janelle and Rob Alex show us a quick and easy exercise that will bring you one step closer to Tantric sex.

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Taking your sex life to a higher and deeper level simultaneously through Tantric practices begins outside of the sexual act. It really is about fully blending the masculine and feminine within you – your Shiva and Shakti as well as blending your soul with your lover’s. When you can come together and are no longer aware of where you end and your lover begins, then you can experience Mahamudra, or a total blending with the Universe as a whole. Yes, you will still be able to tell your physical bodies apart from one another, but the sensation of melding your soul with your lover’s soul and even on a Universal level in which you sense a blending with All is an orgasmic experience that is like no other. But how can you move toward this potential?

It doesn’t have to take vast amounts of sexual experience or a deep spiritual practice to open the doors to these new levels. Such things can be beneficial, but are not absolutely necessary. We are about to share with you a few things you can do that will take no more than 15 minutes – unless, of course, you choose to spend more time on them.

Before we share them, it is vitally important for you to understand that as you go into these exercises that you have no set goal in mind. Be open to accepting whatever experience you have as the one you are meant to have. It does not need to be like someone else’s. It is your experience. Just as no two of us are identical, no two of our experiences should be expected to be identical either. Furthermore, the experience you have on one occasion may be quite different from the experience you have at a different time or in a different place. Do not expect sex, orgasm, or spectacular fireworks. Just remain open to what comes through for you. Do not expect anything of your partner either. Place attention on your lover, but with no expectations. Open your heart and soul and just be.

Set time aside

The first step is to set 15 minutes aside for the two of you to focus on one another. Practice the following exercises/activites and willingly let your guard down. Remember to focus on yourself during this time, too.

Create a safe and sacred space

This can be as simple as dimming the lights, lighting candles or a fire in the fireplace. You may choose to play music softly in the background (music you both enjoy – with or without lyrics, sounds of nature, tribal beats, etc.). Lay a soft blanket on the floor or join one another in the center of your bed. Surround yourself only with things that support the two of you. Take down any pictures and put away any items that bother you in any way. Remove any clutter from the area.

Yab Yum

One partner will sit cross-legged while the other partner will sit facing him/her. The second partner will wrap his/her legs around the first partner’s waist. This yab yum position will place you face-to-face. If this is uncomfortable for you, adjust accordingly. Perhaps crossing your legs isn’t comfy or sitting on your lover that way doesn’t work for you. Change it. You can also sit in two chairs facing one another – close enough for your knees to touch or even close enough so that you place your feet in between your lover’s. If you can, wrap your arms around each other. Otherwise, hold hands. Place your foreheads together (the third eye kiss) and just breathe. Remain like this for 3-5 minutes. Simply hold this gentle, quiet space for each other. Notice your lover’s breathing. Notice your own. Pay attention to the way he/she feels as you are touching. Then notice how you feel physically and emotionally. If outside things pop into your head – work, kids, the dog – just acknowledge them and then return your focus to the moment.

Honoring through your kiss

You can remain in this position or you can shift. Again, this is about he two of you and your experience. Spend the next 3-5 minutes kissing your sweetheart. These kisses do not need to be hot and sexy. They can be gentle and sweet. They don’t have to be open-mouthed or even have to be on the lips, though know that the heart is literally connected to the tongue physically, as well as spiritually. Take turns kissing one another. Allow your kisses to reflect how you feel about him/her, how you want to treat him/her, and how you feel. Communicate through this affectionate display how you want to treat your relationship overall.

Communication via eye gaze and touch

While you are either in yab yum or simply facing each other, look into your partner’s eyes. We often get so busy that we forget to do this, and I am not even talking about forgetting or overlooking the deep long look, but we can easily just barely make eye contact at all. Looking into your lover’s eyes helps connect the two of you. Sometimes, especially if you haven’t done this for a while, gazing directly into his/her eyes for a couple of minutes can feel like a staring contest. If it makes you uncomfortable, just start out with what works for you. Gaze lovingly into your sweetie’s eyes until you feel the need to look elsewhere. Then shift your gaze, roaming your eyes over his/her body. Take notice of every inch – ears, cheeks, lips, nose, hair, shoulders, neck, etc.. You can also trail your fingers along as you move your gaze along the body. When you are ready, look into the eyes again, even if your partner is not looking into your eyes. Eventually, your gaze will draw his/hers back to you. Continue to move through this experience together for 3-5 minutes.

See how easy it can be to move into a different space with your lover? If you can dedicate to trying these activities a couple of times each week (or even just once a week to start), you will begin to notice a transformation in your relationship. This doesn’t have to be complicated, and remember to let your expectations go. Let it be what it is for the two of you.

We're so excited to get a couple writing for GetLusty! They're both adorable, smart and altogether wonderful!

Dr. Janelle Alex, Ph.D. and Rob Alex, M.Sc. are writers, counselors as well as Sacred and Sensual Teachers. They recently completed an eBook on "Sexy Challenges: Sacret and Sensual Experiences for Lovers" which is on sale at Amazon! Learn more about them on Sexy Challenges.

Let's face it, lusty readers, our country was founded by puritans. Even today, sexuality is looked at by most with a negative stigma. Many couples are burdened with boring sex because we believe sexuality is just plan bad. It doesn't have to be that way. As our friend Devi Ward has noted before, sexual shame can happen to everyone. Whether you've dealt with big or small stressers to your sexuality, sexual healing isn't just for Marvin Gaye. Sacred Sexuality Experts and Teachers Drs. Janelle and Rob Alex sheds some light on Sacred Sex, and it's healing potential.

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American culture has a fairly negative attitude around sex in general. There is also a great chasm between sex and spirituality. Many believe it is a dirty and sinful act. What is the expression – “sins of the flesh”? Therefore, we are often told not to have sex unless we are married and even then there are those who believe it should be done hurriedly just to get it over with or maybe only done with the goal being to procreate.

Sex is a time when we are most vulnerable – physically and emotionally. Yet, it is also a time that we can become most open spiritually. You can pierce the veil between the Earthly plane and the spiritual dimensions when you transform the physical act of sex into a sacred lovemaking experience. In fact, you can heal emotionally, sexually, energetically and physically.

Sadly, there are a vast number of men and women who have experienced sexual abuse in one form or another. These experiences include things such as childhood molestation, sexual harassment, sexual assault and rape. There can also be great consequences for individuals due to the negative attitude and/or the way sex is used to encourage potential consumers to purchase products from cars to shoes.

Is it really possible to move past the stigma that has been placed around sex and transform it into a sacred and healing experience for yourself and within your relationship? The short answer is yes. Below you will discover three ways to help you start the healing process by experiencing sacred sex.

Expectations

The first thing you need to do is to understand what sex and lovemaking means to you. What are your expectations? What are your wants? Your desires? What emotions do you have around the act of sex and lovemaking? Have you had any negative sexual experiences? Were they traumatic for you or someone close to you? Do you feel there is more to sex than you have experienced to this point? Do you initiate sex with your partner? Do you believe it is okay for you to experience pleasure? Do you think you deserve it? Is your partner’s pleasure your responsibility? Should you be satisfied with your sex life? Is it okay for you to want to experience new things and be adventuresome?

The cells in your body have consciousness and therefore, when you experience things those memories and that knowledge can get stuck within the body. These are called holding patterns. They are not necessarily stored in places you might expect. It is possible for these memories to be stored in your right calf, your left wrist, or simply wherever your body chooses to hold on to it. These holding patterns can block the natural and easy flow of energy within your body and they have an impact on your expectations.

Right now, as you are reading this, stop and become aware of your body. Do you feel tightness in your shoulders, nervousness in your stomach, or a cramp in your foot? How are you breathing? Is it different than normal? What you feel may be totally different from these suggestions – just make note. Do not judge yourself. Simply become aware. Truly becoming conscious of your body and how it feels and reacts is the first step to moving towards healing. Your body will offer you great insight if you are willing to pay attention and listen.

Now, take out a notebook and go back through the handful of questions mentioned above in regards to your expectations around sex. Allow yourself to write freely – no matter what comes to you write it down. As you are doing this take time to stop periodically and notice your body again. Are there changes? Write down how your body feels as you move through this exercise.

If you are in a relationship, it is vitally important to uncover what his/her expectations are as well. Do not pressure your partner, but it can be very helpful to you, both, if he/she is willing to join you on this healing journey. It is also important to consider what you believe your partner’s expectations are as well as what you believe your lover expects or wants from you.

*If you uncover things that you do not feel capable of handling, seek a counselor who specializes in sex therapy and/or transpersonal psychology.

Solo healing

Once you have a better understanding of your expectations you can begin to move forward with solo healing. Depending on your individual needs you may be ready to touch yourself sensually and explore your body with your hands. Yet, it is perfectly okay to not be ready for this. Either way, begin to pamper yourself and your body.

Eat healthy, exercise, get a fresh haircut (or an entire new hair makeover), wear clothes that make you look and feel good, etc. Anything you can do for yourself that makes you feel cared for, pampered, and loved is something you should do. You can even court yourself or date yourself. Take you to see a movie, eat a nice meal, visit the zoo or an art museum, or relax in a bubble bath with a good book. Get to know you again before you move into touching yourself in a sexual way.

When you feel ready, schedule some time when you will feel safe and secure without interruptions. Begin to explore your body with your hands. You may also stand or sit in front of the mirror as you allow your eyes to roam over you. This is a non-judgmental experience. As you look and feel your body, honor it, appreciate it, and thank it for working hard as a vehicle for your soul to use to move through the journey of life.

The more connected you are to your body and the more accepting you are of it the more likely you will be able to fully move into this sacred sexual healing.

Shared life force energy healing

Sex and lovemaking with your beloved partner are really a blending of your souls and an exchange of your life force energy. Transform physical sex into sacred sex with your beloved by agreeing to enter into a lovemaking session without having the goal be orgasm or climax. This removes any potential pressure and allows both of you to expand your conscious awareness of each other. It allows you to open your heart and your soul as you move towards the gateway to Divine access.

Take turns focusing on one another’s bodies. Become fully aware of your lover’s reactions and responses. What makes him/her uncomfortable? What brings him/her pleasure? Remember this does not need to be sexual pleasure, but instead physical pleasure that allows your sweetheart to relax into the moment and connect with the life force energy with his/her soul as well as with yours.

Adjusting your breathing can also offer you amazing opportunities to relax and connect with Spirit. See a previous post we shared on 7 Ways to Use Breathing to Improve Sex.

As you become more fully present and relax, your sexual energy, which is the life force energy we mentioned, will begin to flow more easily through your body. With the flow of this energy you may begin to help some of your holding patterns break free. This can help you release guilt, fear, shame and self-judgment.

Healing is not a snap of your fingers and it magically happens sort of thing. It takes time. Therefore, when you begin to gain awareness of your expectations be certain that you do not expect one or two sessions of sacred sex to suddenly heal your wounds. With awareness, understanding, appreciation, and love for yourself and your lover you can start the healing process via your spiritual lovemaking.

Dr. Janelle Alex, Ph.D. and Rob Alex, M.Sc. are writers, counselors as well as Sacred and Sensual Teachers. They recently completed an eBook called "Sexy Challenges: Sacred and Sensual Experiences for Lovers" which is on sale at Amazon! Learn more about them at Inward Oasis. Follow them on Twitter @sexychallenges and Facebook.